A Day Of Sorrow is Longer than a Month of Joy
by Leizu
Summary: New Moon from Edward's perspective- how did he handle losing Bella?
1. I Heard Somebody Whisper Please Adore Me

I Heard Somebody Whisper 'Please Adore Me'

"Edward?" Alice called. He remained silent, unmoving. "Edward!" she threw her newspaper at the back of his head. Still nothing. "EDWARD!"

"Shall I?" asked Emmett, picking up an armchair.

"No, it's OK," said Alice, moving slowly towards him, "Edward? You have to stop this." Edward didn't respond, staring off in to the distance. Alice walked slowly around him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He shrugged her off absent-mindedly, his face unchanged, as if he wasn't entirely aware of his surroundings. Alice flinched at the look of despair etched across his features. She put her hand on his face, and gently said, "Go back."

"I can't," he whispered so quietly no human could have heard him, "I…I can't."

"But just look at what it's doing to you! And I assume you've seen what it's doing to her-"

"It's for the best!" he snapped, getting up and running out of the room. Alice sighed heavily. Emmett went over to her.

"Anything? Tiny improvement?" he asked, ever hopeful. The light went out in his eyes when he saw her expression.

"He's just…dead. More than usual, that is. If anything it's getting worse with time." Emmett put his arms around her, all his usual humour gone.

"He'll be OK when he comes to his senses." Alice stood up angrily, starting to pace the floor at a run.

"But I can't _see_ him doing that! He is still decided on staying away from her forever and-" Alice lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "and if it stays that way, she's going to snap. I still can't see what she's going to do, but it's bad, Emmett, really bad." Alice closed her eyes tight. Emmett struggled with various more positive scenarios in his mind, and then gave up. It seemed if Edward remained so stubborn, refusing to listen to reason, then he genuinely was going to be apart from Bella forever.

Edward stared intently at the tree trunk next to him. Perhaps, if he willed it enough, it would burst into flames. Fire was cleansing. If it worked on the tree maybe he'd try it out on himself. It couldn't make him feel any worse than he already did- in fact, maybe physical pain was what he needed.

No, not needed. Deserved. Owed.

He could feel the guilt and anguish welling up inside him again. To try and distract himself, he punched the tree so hard that a large segment of the trunk exploded off in a cloud of sawdust. Breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down, he let out an ear-piercing shriek and flew up the tree, slamming off branches as he went. He reached the top of the tree, tearing the top set of branches off, concentrating on the way this made every leaf on each branch move as he threw it as hard as he could in front of him. He made himself a seat in the top of the trunk, carving it with his hands, wishing that his ice-white hands could splinter, wishing he could pay penance for what he had done, wishing…wishing for what he knew he couldn't have. Her face, broken with agony over his words swam throughout his consciousness.

_"You…don't…want me?"_ her words stabbed at him, piercing though the protective wall he'd tried to build in his mind. He started thinking about everything around him at once; realising he hadn't taken in his surroundings, realising he hadn't even noticed the type of tree he'd just partly destroyed. It was a Fir tree, hence keeping its leaves through the autumn. He continued listing things in his mind, battling with his personal demons, trying to keep them at bay…

Then he realised. The realisation came like a fall from the top of a high building. He'd called the memory of her his 'personal demon'. How could something so angelic become a demon? The mental wall collapsed, throwing his memories of her at him. As he tortured himself to find the reasoning behind this dreadful thought of his, his will weakened. Maybe he could go back. She didn't have to see him; he could go through her bedroom window like always, while she was sleeping…

No, he couldn't. With a burst of self-loathing he realised she only became a personal demon because of him, because he interfered with her life. The horrific image Alice had let slip while he was still in range tore through him- Bella, alone, in pain…because of him. All of this was because of him, because of the monster he was. With a final scream of pain, he threw himself from the top of the tree and wreaked a path of destruction through the woods.


	2. Without A Dream In My Heart

Without A Dream in My Heart

Edward crashed through the last thicket of trees to arrive outside the Cullens' temporary home. The family had travelled up to Denali to visit Tanya, Irina and Kate in the hopes that being around friends would comfort Edward somewhat. When they had arrived, however, they had found that not only had Laurent joined the sisters, but that he, Irina and Tanya were not there. Irina and Laurent had wanted some "alone time", and Tanya had found two human men that she couldn't decide between.

Esme was not fond of the Denali house. As Edward stood outside, he noted that although she concentrated on trying to strengthen the structural integrity of the building, her thoughts constantly drifted back to him. He recoiled at the total faith he felt emanating from her, the fact that she didn't just _think_ he was going to do the right thing, she _knew _it, there wasn't a shred of doubt in her mind. Edward pulled up a small fir tree, wanting absolutely to deserve that trust, wishing to be that perfect image of himself that she held in such high regard, knowing that worse, he was about to let her down again. He flung the tree as hard as he could behind him through his destructive path.

"You'll break her heart, you know." Edward spun around to find Alice standing behind him, arms folded across her chest, scowling at him.

"Alice, I can't-"

"You can't _what_, Edward? Can't be around the family that love you? Can't handle knowing that not one of us think this was the right choice? Or is it that you're so fucking stubborn that you _can't_ and won't see sense?" She stared at him, hoping that he'd change his mind. His blank façade slipped into the crumpled wreck that he really was inside. Alice ran to him, and put her hands on either side of his face to hold his gaze. She softened her expression, communicating silently. _Open your damn eyes, Edward. Don't rule out going back._ He closed his eyes. "Look at me, Edward," she said, waiting until he opened them. When he did, she continued. _She _loves_ you. Absolutely, unconditionally loves you. What you forget is that she is not like most humans. She will _always_ love you, _always_ be waiting for you. Save both of you the agony and go back!_ She pulled his head towards her and kissed his forehead. "I hope you spend this time away at least mulling it over." She looked at him with great sadness as she considered the future of her next decision. She sighed, "Go." Edward opened his eyes and she saw the deep pain in them. "I'll tell them for you. They'll understand. Just…go." As he turned and fled through the forest, she thought _…we're always going to be here when you need us. Remember that._

***

After running through the woods in random directions, Edward finally made a decision. He was going to go and see Tanya.

"Happy now, Alice?" he said, hoping that she picked up on that. He imagined with a pang of guilt how the constant indecision must have infuriated her. His bitter side found some satisfaction in that, but his better nature knew they this was only because every word she'd said or thought was true. He would have to thank her for the verbal slap in the face one day.

Tanya was in a city called Coquitlam in British Columbia, Canada. She had initially been torn between two human men, (Edward heard their names in her mind as he drew closer- Tadhg Raynor and Aodan Melody, poor souls), but she had eventually decided to have both. Edward felt dreadful for what he was about to do but concluded that it had to be done. As he got to her street, he was about to run to her house when his phone buzzed. He didn't need to be psychic to know who it was. He moved out of Tanya's extensive earshot to answer. He flipped the phone open and placed it to his ear. There was a struggle on the other end.

"Don't be a prick, Edward!"

"Emmett, GIMME THE DAMN PHONE!"

"In a second! I just need Edward to know what a complete tosser he's about to make himself!" There was the sound of somebody taking the phone, coupled with a loud shout of "Hey!" from Emmett. Edward was surprised then to hear Jasper's voice.

"Think about what you're doing, Edward."

"I have."

"Have you really? So you've thought about the fact that when you realise that this was a mistake that you'll break Tanya's heart?"

"Well, I did think of that, but-"

"You're a wanker, you know that? Alice, take over!" Edward heard the wind rush on the other end of the line.

"Don't do this Edward!"

"Oh yeah? Why the hell not?" Alice paused, deliberating. Suddenly she was shouting at him.

"Why? WHY? Because BELLA wouldn't do this to you! BELLA, in fact, ISN'T doing this to you! If you REALLY loved her then you wouldn't be even _considering_ what you're about to do!" Edward stood absolutely still, reeling in shock. Alice continued quietly. "If you want to deserve her then you won't do this." Alice hung up the phone. Edward stared unseeingly in front of him.


	3. You Knew Just What I Was There For

You Knew Just What I Was There For

Edward stared blankly into space for a second, trying to process what Alice had just told him. It wasn't until she touched his shoulder that he discovered that Tanya was standing with him. He looked at her, unable to speak, still trying to think what to do, what the right course for him was.

"Alice called," she said simply, looking at him disappointedly.

"Oh." That was all he could manage. He began to piece together what had happened with Alice. She'd said _her_ name. He'd asked her not to, so he wouldn't have to think about…Bella.

"Oh, Edward! What have you done to yourself?" Tanya's disappointment faded as she saw the heartache in his eyes. _I still trust you, you know._ He burned with shame as he realised this was somebody else who was too good for him. _Just…don't tell Esme or Carlisle, OK?_ He tried to speak, but failed again. He simply nodded. She put her arms around him. "I think you need some time alone to think about this. Although you know that I have…feelings…for you, this is not the right way to do this and you know it. What you were going to do was very ungentlemanly, and very unlike you!" She let him go, and he hung his head.

"Could…could you ever forgive me?" he didn't look at her.

"That's not the problem here Edward. The _real_ question is, are you going to forgive yourself?" He couldn't answer her. His mind was still being erratic, refusing to focus on one thing at a time. Sensing that he needed to be alone, Tanya simply smiled slightly and walked away.

Not knowing where to go, he set off at an injudicious speed to say that there were humans around. He ran from the city, out into the wilderness, away from people. He ran for hours, allowing his feet and senses to guide him, not aware of where he was going, until…

He stopped. He skidded to a halt, the soil around him flying up as he did so. He realised he was at Goat Rocks.

Maybe…he should go and see her. He should go and see if she was moving on. She would be, and that would give him closure. Yes, he would go to her and check that she'd moved on. He headed up towards Olympia, all the time thinking of how he would see her.

He was going to see her.

He was going to Forks to see her, his love, his life.

He raced through Olympia, ignoring the thirst he felt. He ran as fast as he could, drawing closer and closer in each passing second. He began to hear some of the people of Forks, listening to their familiar minds, realising that he was drawing nearer.

_Oh my God. What has he _done_?_ Mike Newton's more familiar voice rang through Edward's head loud and clear. He could see her face in his mind through Mike's eyes.

She was a mess. Edward's running slowed as he heard Mike analysing her. _…Charlie said she threw a fit when he suggested she leave, why does she want to stay? God, she's just…gone._

No. It couldn't be true. Edward searched and found Angela's mind. Angela Weber, probably Bella's only true friend. _I never realised what a bad friend Jessica was. Can't she see Bella's in enough agony already? God I hope Edward gets back soon. I don't think she can take this much longer._

That was all he needed to hear. He picked up speed again, gaining on Forks High School faster and faster. Then, suddenly, he stopped. He didn't want to disturb anybody at school. Maybe he should go back to his house and wait for a while…no. He would get restless, agitated.

Then he thought about the one place he could go. He didn't stop running until he was scaling the wall outside the Swan home.


	4. The Only One My Arms Will Hold

The Only One My Arms Will Hold

Edward climbed in through the open window to her room. The scent was the first thing that hit him. It burned his throat, but he didn't care. He just drank it in, glad of it. It felt like coming home. He opened his eyes, looking around the room for the first time.

Bella had clearly been taking less care of it since last he was there. Her books were tossed around the room, her duvet on the floor. He went over to it, about to pick it up, and then thought better of it. He sat down on the bed, looking around. He caught sight of her pillow. His clear eyesight told him that it was stained with tears. She'd also been beating it around more than she used to, he could see that too. Suddenly it occurred to him that he'd not checked under the floor for the things he'd hidden there.

They were still there. She hadn't found them. He brushed the dust off them out the window, looking. Among the photos was one of himself and Bella. He looked at the photograph, allowing himself to remember her fully. He sat on the floor, allowing the pain of the memories to consume him…until his phone rang. He answered it, hoping that she wasn't going to shout at him again.

"This doesn't seem entirely fair, Edward."

"What are you talking about?" for once, he genuinely didn't know what she meant.

"You get to visit her room, get reminders of her, be around where she is, and yet she gets nothing." Edward didn't respond. Alice sighed. "If you really think this is for the best, why are you sat in her room looking at her photos when she's not there?"

"Because…I love her too much to give her this death sentence. Let's say I come back, and assuming she still wants me-"

"-which she does-"

"-then we pick back up where we left off. And it goes well. Of course it would. For a while. Then she starts to age, and it's inevitable that she'd ask me again to become one of us, and I would say no. Then will come the day when she trips and cuts her leg, and I kill her. Or if not me, another one of us does. It's too dangerous for her to be around us!" Alice paused for a while, then said slowly,

"What about option three?"

"There is no option three."

"Yes, there is," she said patronisingly, "if you remember the vision I had-"

"THAT IS NOT AN OPTION ALICE!" Edward snapped the phone shut angrily. He dropped it onto the floor, trying not to create a dent in the wood. He ran his fingers through his hair and picked up the photograph he'd been holding. He folded the photo down the crease in the middle, not wanting to see the indecision etched across his own features. He stared at the happier Bella in the picture, and decided to confess to her.

"Hello, my love," he said, smiling incredulously at himself for what he was doing, "I…I want to tell you I've missed you but I don't think those words would be enough. I can't tell you what a black hole my life has been without you.

"What I really wanted to tell you, though, is shameful. What I planned to do was completely deplorable and I have no excuses for you. I genuinely can't believe that people have forgiven me for it.

"I went to Tanya. I knew that she…_wanted_…me, you know, and I thought maybe if I…" he paused, burning with contrition as he tried to form the words, "I thought that…somehow, going to her and telling her that I wanted to be with her would…make it true. I was going to go to her…what's the expression? 'On the rebound'. I knew that she'd believe me because she's clouded by her feelings for me." He shut his eyes, wishing that he could show his emotion more readily.

"Alice stopped me. And Emmett and Jasper, too. Alice told me what I wish someone had told me earlier. Unfortunately though it's been hitting home that I _need_ you. You're my core; I'm just hollow inside without you.

"But I…can't. The one thing I want more is for you to have a normal life. You know something funny?" he laughed a little, smiling crookedly, "Rosalie is glad. Not for the reasons you think, but because she wants you to stay human too. I know you think she doesn't like you, but she's been the only one sticking by my decision through this.

"Esme misses you. So much. I took away part of her family when I asked them to leave with me. Carlisle questions whether this was the right thing to do. Honestly? So do I. Jasper feels he's somehow responsible, even though I tell him if it wasn't him it would've been someone else, maybe even me. Emmett…misses you, I guess that's the best way to describe it.

"Alice….oh, Alice. She's saved my ass twice over the last couple of days, stopped me from doing…that…and she's been telling me what I knew was true but wouldn't have admitted. She misses you most." He laughed again, this time a little louder. "She thinks I don't know she's been checking up on you. I asked her not to, and she tries not to, but she looks in on you every so often. Well, I say every so often but you know Alice…it's a few times a day, really. To be honest I don't think I would've found out if she'd not told Jasper while I was in hearing range." He laughed again, this time with genuine humour. "She was being critical of your wardrobe choices!" he gently stroked her face in the picture, wanting desperately to feel her warmth under his fingertips.

But he couldn't. Because he wasn't staying back. For the first time in almost a hundred years, he wished he could cry.


	5. Your Arms Feel Like Home

**OK so I know I've deviated from the Blue Moon lyric chapter titles but to be honest I couldn't think of one that really fit with this chapter! And I know it's short, but they're going to start getting longer! Also, thanks to the American President (the movie, not Obama) for the begging and grovelling line!**

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Your Arms Feel Like Home

Edward sat on a bench in Point Defiance Park in Tacoma holding his head in his hands. He could still smell her on him, longing to be back with her desperately, knowing that if he went back again he wouldn't be able to stay away. He imagined what he would do to get her back. He'd wait until she got home from school, wait for her to get into her room. He'd have left a note for her on her pillow saying he was outside her window if she wanted to see him. Hopefully, she would. He'd wait as long as necessary. When she leant out of her window…he didn't know what he would say. Begging and grovelling would probably be involved.

He would say he was sorry. Sorrier than she could ever imagine, even though she'd probably laugh at the corniness of that. He would understand if she didn't want him back after this. In fact, it was extremely likely that she wouldn't want him back. He certainly didn't deserve her.

But what if…what if she did? He moaned quietly to himself, trying to avoid imagining that particular scenario. He couldn't be allowed to hope. He wouldn't be able to bear it if that hope was destroyed…

She'd forgive him, eventually. Maybe she'd make him work for it, and he would oblige. He'd go to the ends of the earth, bring her Tyler's smashed up Sentra, anything she wanted so she would forgive him. Then, she'd look deep into his unworthy eyes and tell him she still loved him, and-

"No!" he shouted. A few feet away, a flock of pigeons took flight in surprise. He had to stop thinking about her!

"Edward?" His eyes flew open and he jerked upright, looking around. There she was, on the bench beside him, giving him that quizzical look that usually meant she was about to bombard him with questions.

"Bella…" he murmured, reaching out to touch her face.

And then she was gone. The agony tore through him, ripping at his insides like he was being physically broken to pieces.

She wasn't really there. He'd been hallucinating. He'd never heard of a vampire hallucinating before. He scoffed. He'd never heard of a vampire falling for a human before either…there's always a first time for everything.

Still…she'd _seemed_ there. Very realistic. And it meant he'd sort of got what he wanted. He wanted to see her again. His imagination had given him that. He could feel it now, laughing at him. 'Be careful what you wish for!' it taunted him. The torment of her parting still clawed at him, even if she hadn't been real.

This was one of those times he wished he could sleep. He'd felt envious at times of her ability to dream about him, wishing he could go there now, to see her, for her to be able to be with him in the realms of fantasyland. The voice in his head laughed at him again. 'There's always a cost to wish fulfilment' it said, still mocking him. Yes, there was a cost. He'd have to wake up.

He decided that he had to run farther away. As long as he was this close he could still feel her drawing him closer, and it would not be much longer before his willpower failed him. He ran as fast as possible; the proximity to humans reminding him that he was thirsty.

He stopped for a while in Snoqualmie National Forest near Bumping Lake to hunt. There wasn't much big game around, but a small herd of deer was enough to tide him over.

He needed a distraction, something, anything to occupy his time. He racked his brains, trying to think of something to do, but all he could think about was her, and she wasn't on the list. What could he do?

The misery started to fill the empty space in his chest, somewhere near where his heart should have been. It seeped through him like poison in the bloodstream, slowly taking him over. He dived to the bottom of the lake to curl up into a ball and pray for death.


	6. No Hay Mal Que Dure Cien Años

**Note: this chapter documents Alice's story as she tries to find out what happened to her. This is the longest chapter so far, and I hope you like it :D It's been a long time coming but I hope it's worth the wait! The next one or two chapters are going to be about Alice, but Edward isn't going anywhere :D  
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No Hay Mal Que Dure Cien Años

_Edward was curled up at the bottom of a lake. His phone was waterlogged, useless. He lay there for hours, not moving an inch._

Alice's eyes opened. It seemed Edward was planning on letting the heartache rule for a few days in the water. Anyway, she didn't have time to worry about him for the minute. She was going to have to say goodbye to Jasper for a few weeks, and this was going to be difficult.

He obviously understood why she was going. It had always troubled her that she had no recollection of her human years, and what she had discovered from James was only a small clue. She was going back to the caves in Vicksburg, Mississippi, to see if she could pick anything up there.

Jasper was waiting for her in their room, not wanting an audience to their farewell. They were not as physical with their relationship as Rosalie and Emmett were (though who was?), so this was going to be a purely emotional goodbye. He walked over to her, sliding his arm around her waist and cupping her chin in his hand.

"I'm going to miss you, you know."

"I know," she said, breathing in heavily, "I'm going to miss you, too. But I think I've left it long enough that no-one will be alive to recognise me, so I can pass off as my own great-niece."

"I know love, you've told me that already," he said, smiling warmly at her.

"Yes, but if I tell you again then I can stay longer!" He chuckled slightly, glad that she'd thought of that. "I want you to come with me," she said, knowing what his response would be.

"I couldn't do that to Esme, not since...well, you understand."

"I may understand honey, but that doesn't mean I like it one jot," she said, cursing Edward and his sodden heart. She sighed, knowing if she didn't go soon then she wouldn't go at all.

_Renée Dwyer and Charlie Swan stood over Bella's bed. She was screaming and kicking about, then launched herself at her suitcase and threw the clothes out of it. She screeched that she wouldn't go, she had to stay, she would _not_ leave..._

Jasper looked concernedly into her eyes. "What was it?"

"Bella," she said, perturbed, "Renée and Charlie are trying to convince her to go to Jacksonville with them."

"I'm guessing that it's not working out too well," said Jasper, guessing from her tone that it wasn't.

"You know Bella. She's throwing another fit, but this time her mum's actually there in front of her." Alice sighed. "I'd better get going then, my love." She reached up and gently stroked the side of his face. Abruptly, she turned and left the room.

***

Alice stood inside a wet cave that she'd been to only once before. She'd woken into the world here, laying on the floor, alone. She allowed the memory to take over for a moment, hoping that it would help her find where to go.

_The girl opened her eyes slowly. She looked at the mouth of the cave, hearing the rush of water nearby, suddenly afraid that it might rush in and drown her. Where was she? She sat up, looking around the tiny hole (because that's what it was, really. It was far too small to be a cave). She decided that she could think better in the open air. She crawled out and stood upon the embankment, looking around._

_The stars were out, twinkling in the sky prettily. She liked looking at the stars. Then she realised something. The stars being out had to mean it was night-time. But if that was the case, why could she see so well around her? This question troubled her. She then tried to think of other things, tried to recall memories she knew she should have. Nothing came. This was disturbing. She felt that she still had the memories, just that they were...buried somehow. She decided to try and find somewhere to stay for a while. Suddenly she had the view of a town not too far from where she was, and saw the route to get there. She started to walk that way, knowing that it was the right way to go, but not understanding why she knew that._

_She started to question more things. Who _was_ she? She racked her empty mind, trying to come up with a name. She heard a man's velvety voice in her head say "Alice"._

_"Alice," she said to herself. It felt...right. It fit her. Alice cut up the embankment without effort, heading for Vicksburg._

Alice re-opened her eyes. The cave had changed a little. A large chunk of the ceiling had fallen off and broken upon the floor, but the river had clearly long washed away the evidence. She decided to follow the route she'd taken almost ninety years earlier. She wondered vaguely if the hotel she'd stayed at was still there, or if it had long been taken down. She sprang up the embankment, looking around as if the scenery would hold the answers. _A parking garage. Empty._ Apparently the hotel was gone. She was disappointed, it would've been nice to go and pay them back for the free night she spent there.

_An almost Spanish-looking building stood four storeys high. The middle section had an extra floor, towering over the other buildings on the street. Its entrances had ornate metal carvings over them, jutting out onto the pavement, and yet still the building looked metropolitan rather than extravagant. Alice looked up at it now, seeing it exactly as she had in her mind mere moments before. She thought she should stay there, although she did not feel at all tired. This confused her, but then she realised that she had just awoken. That accounted for the lack of fatigue._

_Just then, an older gentleman exited the hotel. He stopped when he caught sight of her, his eyes losing focus slightly as he looked on her. He shook himself out of his reverie._

_"What's a beautiful girl such as yourself doing outside alone at night?" he asked, winking at her as he leant on the bannister of the steps. Alice drew in a breath to speak, when a burning sensation took hold of her throat. She felt as though she'd swallowed fire, it was excruciating. She suddenly found herself sinking her teeth into the man's neck, not understanding what she was doing. She allowed these unfamiliar instincts to guide her as she drank away his life. She could feel his body underneath her getting colder, thinking that she should stop or he was going to die, and it would be her fault, but she couldn't stop, her body was unresponsive as she tried to pull away..._

_And then he was dead. She held his limp body in her arms, realising that her tiny frame shouldn't be able to do so, but it could. She tried to take stock of what she had just done, the guilt of it seeping through her. What _was_ she? She'd not considered that question before. As she reflected on this, she looked at the dead man she was clinging on to, and realised. She was a monster. Suddenly, in her mind she saw herself taking his body to a place called Meridian, where his body would be found the next day in the aftermath of a tornado. She was then back in the real world. Knowing that this was what she must do, she dropped the body down the side of the stairs. It landed next to the window of the basement with a sickening crunch. She decided to come back for it in the morning, and somehow she knew that it would not be discovered. She looked down at the clothes she was wearing, realising that she had not looked until this point. She was surprised to see that she was not covered in blood, as she expected to be. In fact, there was no blood on her at all._

_She was wearing a short, black evening dress. The underneath material came down to her knees, but the lace covering went a little further in places. There were beads and sequins adorning the flower designs in the lace. She was also wearing a long string of black pearls, although she could tell that the pearls were in fact made of glass. On her feet she was wearing lace-up stilettos. They were largely black, but with white sections either side of the laces. She wondered why her feet did not hurt, even after all that running. She reached up to see what was on her head. She felt a hat there, and lifted it down to get a closer look. It, too, was black, it was made of felt, and had a large black-and-white flower on the front of it. Overall, she approved of the outfit in general._

_Alice remembered why she was there. She walked confidently into the hotel with the intention of simply sneaking up the stairs and breaking into a vacant room. She knew that room six was currently empty, so she was going to go there, when she heard a man's voice from behind her._

_"Good evening, madam. You are out rather late. Where is your husband?" Alice hadn't thought about this. She quickly looked down at her left hand to check for the presence of a wedding ring. Her hand was empty._

_"Oh, no sir, I'm not married. I was...travelling, but...er...I got lost along the way and...er...I need a place to stay for tonight." She smiled as sweetly as she could at the night porter. This man took on the same glazed expression as the other, more unfortunate man outside had. Remembering this, Alice wondered why she could barely even feel the burning sensation anymore. The man recovered himself._

_"Well then, we had better get you checked in. Due to the hour, would you prefer to pay in the morning?" Pay? Oh dear. Alice decided she would have to sneak away in the morning. She once again knew that this would work._

_"Yes, that would be better."_

_"Can I get your bags, madam?" Again, she had a problem. She thought about what she had said before._

_"They're in my...motorcar, but it...broke down a few miles away. I shall have to return for them in the morning." The night porter looked her up and down suspiciously. She smiled as sultrily as she could, and he once again became dazed. He cleared his throat, but this time maintained the same aspect. He walked around the back of the front desk, leant down, and produced a set of keys with a large number six tied to them with brown string. She smiled to herself. She was good. The night porter (still bemused) led her towards the elevator. "Actually," she said, wanting to be alone to organise her thoughts, "I'd prefer to take the stairs. Where are they?" He pointed towards a large oak staircase in the room to the right of her. "Thank you. Goodnight," she said as casually as she could, moving quite slowly so as not to draw attention to herself._

_"Goodnight," he said after her, still gaping._

Alice was now standing atop the parking garage that had replaced the Carroll hotel. Vicksburg was a very different place to how it had been then, mostly due to the addition of the many casinos that dotted the riverbank. She thought that maybe this was not the place that she had spent time in as a human. None of it seemed at all familiar. Then again, neither had James. _Edward circled around the forest, hunting. He came across the path of some unfortunate hikers..._

She had already pulled out her phone and dialled. Unfortunately, Edward's phone would not connect. Then she remembered that he was in a lake. She called Tanya instead.

"Hello, Alice."

"Hey Tanya, could you go to Bumping Lake in Snoqualmie Forest? Edward's in it and is going to go hunting, but if he does he's going to come across some hikers. Could you stop him please?"

"Yeah, but...when you say _in_ the lake, you mean...?"

"Yes, he's curled up at the bottom now."

"Not even gonna ask." Tanya hung up the phone.

With that sorted, she decided to check out the local history museum to see if they held census records. Her vision told her that they did not, but that they could be found in nearby state capital Jackson. She was almost sad to be leaving Vicksburg. It was the only place she had as a link to her past, even if her memories of those early days as a vampire were tainted with guilt and confusion.

_Alice was laid on the bed in spacious room six. She closed her eyes to try and get some sleep, but none came. Neither did the tiredness she expected. Not that she knew of any others to judge by, but she knew she'd had a hard day. She was perfectly comfortable, so that wasn't the problem. Then again, she felt perfectly comfortable standing up. It was like there was no effort involved in standing up, as if she didn't weigh anything. Also, the sensation of having her eyes closed simply served to make her wary._

_Something occured to her. She was making assumptions about herself that turned out to be wrong- how strong she was, what she needed to do- and she had instincts that seemed altogether foreign to her. If those instincts were her natural instincts (and seeing as she didn't understand them, let alone be able to think about them) and the conventions she thought she should follow were also wrong, then clearly she'd never existed as she did now before. Perhaps that was why she couldn't remember anything. Maybe, she thought hopefully, the memories would come back over time as she adjusted to this new self._

_Going on that assumption, and also the fact that she didn't need to sleep, was there any reason to stay where she was? The night porter was already likely to be in trouble as it was, so if she returned the keys and straightened the room, then maybe it'd be OK for him. Her extra sense didn't seem to be helping her on this one. This was another puzzle- perhaps there was a specific trigger? Something she had to do first?_

_Puzzles later. Cover-up of unintentional murder first._

_She looked out of her window. Her room was conveniently placed above where she'd stowed the man's body. She looked up and down the street. The clock in the store opposite told her that it was ten past four in the morning. Nobody does anything at ten past four. She thought about how she could get down from where she was. It didn't _look_ that far down, only one storey. She could feel the powerful muscles underneath her skin. They were almost telling her that she could make it, that it would be easy. She decided to try it. _She landed on the pavement with ease and grace, causing a small crack in the concrete. _So she could make it. She jumped easily out of the window. It happened exactly as she'd seen it in her mind. She swivelled round to where the man's body lay, looking over the iron fence that restricted access to it. She leapt over it easily, landing with almost no sound at all next to him._

_Then she realised something. How was she meant to get him out? She thought about that extra strength she could feel inside her, and decided to pick the man up. _She carried him in her arms and jumped without difficulty over the barrier._ The visions had not failed her before. Once again, it happened exactly as she had seen it. She then remembered the vision the night before. She set off in what she knew was the direction of Meridian. There was a storm coming soon that she had to catch._

Alice walked quickly into the Records Bureau in Jackson. Without the total cloud cover provided by less temperate climates like Forks, her skin sparkled lightly even on dull days. She walked right up to the front desk without hesitation. She smiled at the man behind the desk.

"Hello, I wonder if you could help me. I'm tracing some family history and I was wondering if I would be able to look at some census records?" She maintained her smile. The man- Jonathan, his name tag said- was only too happy to oblige her. His special attention to her would get him into some trouble later.

"Of course I can! Who are you looking to find?"

"My great-aunt. She died in about 1920 but we don't know when or where she was born. All we know is that her name was Alice and she was from somewhere in Mississippi." Jonathan continued to look dazzled- she liked Bella's analogy- as he led her towards the records room.

"Then in that case you'd best start with the 1915 to 1920 death records. Are you sure that's the exact year?" Alice smiled reassuringly.

"Oh yes. I'm sure." He led her to a large oak filing cabinet. He pulled out the second drawer, then turned to her.

"Which part of Mississippi would you like to start with?" She decided on the North. _She had finished looking through the papers. She returned them to the drawer to look again._ Perhaps not. She then decided on the South. _She had four records that looked promising._ Alice paused a beat more to make it seem as though she were deliberating.

"Let's start with the South." Jonathan pulled out an old paper folder that was stuffed with yellowing papers. Alice could smell the dust. He looked at her apologetically. "We keep meaning to update our records onto computers, but it's just that no-one really comes in here to ask-"

"Don't worry about it!" She smiled again, "I like paper, anyway." She trawled through the hundreds of records, piling up four possible matches. Jonathan hovered meekly over her shoulder, probably hoping she'd require his services again. She decided to take the four she'd found and try to find them on the census. _Alice McGallion. Born 1903, Died 1920 of tuberculosis in Jackson, Mississippi._ That one didn't feel right. _Alice Jane Rollins. Born 1904, Died 1920 of consumption. _That didn't seem right either. The next two didn't really fit either. She had a feeling about South Mississippi, though. She looked again through the records, this time going with deaths in 1919. She only found one, a Hannah Alice Strother. She didn't need her visions to tell her that didn't work out. She went back to 1918, but there were no matches. While she was looking, she found a record that had caught her eye the first time. A Mary Alice Brandon. Alice took the record out of the folder and scrutinised it carefully. Mary Alice Brandon was born in 1901 and died in 1917. Jonathan suddenly looked pleased with himself.

"Ahh, it's interesting that you should pick that one up," he said mischievously.

"Why's that?"

"That is our one little mystery." Alice looked puzzled. He laughed pleasantly. "Have a look at the cause of death bit," he said, liking the fact that he was drawing this out. She obliged. Her perfect eyesight told her that the cause of death- yellow fever- was not only written in slightly different handwriting, but also with a different pen. However, she thought that perhaps this was not what he was referring to.

"Yellow fever?" she asked, knowing full well what it was.

"Yellow fever," he agreed, smiling at her still puzzled expression.

"What's so strange about that?" He smiled wider.

"Yellow fever is a highly infectious airborne disease. While it did kill a lot of people around that time, not one single other person in the entire county died of it for months either side of her death. Now how can that be? Firstly, where did she get it from, and secondly, how is it possible that she didn't infect _anyone_ else? Simple answer? It's not." He was right. That _was_ a mystery. "Wanna know something else?"

"Yeah," she said, thinking that this was a stupid question and wishing that he would just get to the point. She missed Edward suddenly, causing an aching in her heart.

"Her grave in Biloxi? It's empty." That was a good sign. Of course it was empty. She was sat right in front of him. This was a start, at least.

"Which cemetary in Biloxi? I get the feeling that this is her, and I'd like to find out."

***

Alice stood on her own grave. It was comforting, somehow, to know that someone had cared enough about her to pay for a headstone for her (and a marble one at that). What was really bothering her, though, was the fact that she had woken as a vampire for the first time in 1920, but this said she died in 1917. What had happened in the interim?

Sad to leave her grave, she headed for the records office in downtown Biloxi, hoping for some answers. Perhaps they would be able to explain her own mysterious disappearance.

Once again she approached the front desk of an office. This time, a pretty young woman occupied it. She looked surprised as she surveyed Alice, and curious.

"Can I help you at all?" Alice smiled sweetly at her.

"I hope so! I'm looking for information on my great-aunt, Mary Alice Brandon?" Apparently the mystery surrounding her empty grave was unbeknownst to this particular office. "She's buried in the Biloxi National Cemetary? My mother just died and she'd always wanted to find out." Mentioning a recent bereavement usually stopped the questions. She rubbed her eyes to try and make it seem like she might cry.

"Would you like to check the census records for her?"

"No, I already saw what they said in Jackson. Actually, there's a bit of a mystery around her records. Her grave is empty." Understanding crossed the woman's face. "What is it?"

"Well..." she said, this clearly being an uncomfortable subject for her to broach, "there are a few reasons a grave might be empty. One is that she was buried in a mass grave after a tragedy of some kind, although there weren't any in the area at that time so that's not it..." she hedged. Alice missed Edward again, then suddenly saw him talking to Tanya. At least that worry was over. _Tanya slapped Edward's dripping wet face._ Ha! He deserved that! The woman continued, "It could be that she was...sent somewhere."

"Sent somewhere like where?" The woman paused again, then shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, an orphanage of some sort maybe?"

"Her parents were still alive, though," said Alice, thinking that no-one else could have really paid for a _marble_ headstone.

"It could have been monetary issues?" she suggested. She was clearly holding something back, and Alice wanted to know what.

"Her headstone was made of marble, so I highly doubt that. Is there nothing else?" the woman shifted again, not meeting Alice's eyes. "I really want to know, you know, no matter how bad it is." This reassured the woman behind the desk somewhat.

"OK. For my dissertation in History, I decided to focus on a place called the Mississippi State Hospital- it's a Psychiactric hospital that's like fifteen minutes south-east of Jackson. So I was doing research into the experiments they were conducting there on the patients-"

"So...you're saying that I- my great-aunt, that is- was being treated in an insane asylum?" Alice asked, shocked.

"I...came across her name while going through their records. You look _exactly_ like her, you know. Except that her hair was longer, and your eyes are brown. Hers were blue." Blue. So she'd had blue eyes as a human. Long hair though? The hairstyle you have as a vampire is the one you had when you were transformed. She wondered why it had been cut. The woman picked up the phone immediately. "Look, I think you should be allowed access to the records. Mark can hold the fort here, I'll drive you. You need to see this."

***

Alice and the woman (who'd since told her that her name was Johanna) arrived at the hospital almost four hours later. While she was grateful for the company, she could've run there in less than an hour. Still, it was very kind of this woman to drive her two hundred and forty two miles just to see the records of a woman that Johanna thought long dead. Alice decided to do something nice for her when she was done here. Looking at the fact that she was driving a 1980 model Ford Capri, Johanna was in need of some serious cash. She decided that she'd get in contact with her college and pay the fees for her. That aught to do it.

"Would you like to drive back home, actually? I live in Jackson and don't mind just paying for the hotel I was staying in." The woman scrutinised her carefully.

"Well, alright, but do me a favour? Take good care of yourself. This woman had an awful time here, and possibly beforehand too, and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to one of her relatives. Your family's suffered enough." Alice thought this was a strange thing to say, until she registered the genuine concern in this woman's eyes. She clearly was being serious about the terrible things.

"I will do. And," she caught Johanna's arm as she turned away, "thank you. This means a lot to me. More than you could ever know." She meant it, too. The woman smiled slightly, nodded, and walked back towards her car. Alice turned her back on her and walked towards the main entrance. _The picture was dim, like it had been taken on a bad camera. There were a lot of people in white smocks. They each stood alone around the lawn. All had shaven heads._ Alice gasped sharply. That was no vision. It was a tiny fragment of her human memory. She stopped walking, reeling from what she'd just seen. Regaining herself, she strode towards the door. It seemed she'd just unlocked the closed door in her mind.

She walked in the main entrance and looked around her. It had clearly been heavily modified since she'd been resident there. The walls were plastered over, and there was the addition of electricity and heating. The walls were also covered in paintings and drawings done by the patients there. She smiled grimly. She'd gagued from Johanna's reaction that her story was not going to be a happy one. At that moment, a man in a dark suit walked towards her.

"Hello, my name is Geoffrey. I'm the head administrator here. Are you the girl Johanna called us about wanting to look through our records?" he smiled.

"Yes, I am," said Alice, "but I'm only interested in one record in particular, a Mary Alice Brandon?" He raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're a relative of hers, I take it?"

"Yes, I'm her great-niece." He smiled.

"Interesting...this way," he said, beckoning her to follow him through a door behind him. It led to a staircase that smelled strongly of dust- the kind of smell that old libraries tend to have. "Have you heard of the mystery of Mary Alice Brandon?"

"Yes," she replied, "her grave is empty." Geoffrey laughed.

"That's certainly no mystery...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"It's Alice." He laughed again. "I'm named for my great-aunt, actually."

"Ah yes...but anyway the mystery is not that her grave is empty, that part can be said of many contemporaries of hers. The mystery is that she disappeared." Alice was quickly tiring of this man.

"I thought that she came here?"

"Yes she did. And then she disappeared."

"So...that's when her parents put up the gravestone?" He stopped on the stairs. He turned fully around to face her, sadness in his eyes.

"No, Alice. They put up the gravestone the day she was sent here." Alice's heart, had it been beating, would have stopped. So her parents didn't really care about her. They carried on down the stairwell. "The disappearance I'm talking about happened three years after her arrival here." They reached the bottom of the stairs. He led her along a short corridor into a room full of old papers and books. Most of the pages had discoloured and curled at the edges. He walked right down the middle aisle of shelves, and picked up an open cardboard box. Alice followed him to a table on the other side of the shelves.

He set the box down and reached in to pull out an old newspaper clipping. He silently handed it to her. _Mary Alice Brandon, aged 16, died yesterday evening. She is survived by her parents, Sarah-Ann and Joseph, and her younger sister Cynthia._ She had a sister. A younger sister. A younger sister that might still be alive. Geoffrey then lifted an old paper folder and set it down on the desk.

"Mary Alice disappeared three years after her arrival here. At this point, one of our most senior doctors also vanished. His file is contained in this box. To this day, we don't know what happened to either of them." He paused, then looked Alice straight in the eyes. "You look so much like her, it's uncanny." Alice laughed a little.

"Actually, Johanna said that. Though she had blue eyes and long hair."

"Yes, until it it fell out."

"Her hair _fell out_?" This explained it, but... "Why?" Geoffrey grimaced.

"I think you should read the file, Alice. But I warn you- it's not a nice story, and I can make no excuses for the methods they used here." Alice found herself suddenly nervous as Geoffrey walked away, his footsteps echoing quietly around the small storage area. Did she really want to know what happened to her? How bad could it be?

She called Jasper first, realising that she'd not told him all that she'd found out. Plus, it was a good method of procrastination. He answered almost instantly.

"Hello, my love. I've missed you," he said.

"Hey Jazz."

"Oh dear. Is it that bad?" He could hear the depression in her voice. She told him the whole story of everything she'd found so far, her name, her birthplace, that she'd been sent to a lunatic asylum while her parents pretended she was dead. Jasper listened in silence to everything she told him.

"...and I'm now in the mental hospital with my records."

"What do they say?"

"I don't know. I haven't opened them yet."

"Why not?" he asked, although he could easily guess the reason.

"It's not going to be happy." He laughed without humour.

"None of our stories are, love. Think of Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, even me. Our stories never end happily."

"Yeah, but yours at least start well." Jasper had no answer for that. "I'm going to look now, I'll read it and steal it so you can all read it too. I don't think I'll be able to tell you the story, and I'd like to hear Carlisle's theories about why I don't remember it." She hung up the phone, not willing to say goodbye to him twice in as many days. She took a deep breath, and opened the file.

Inside was a stack of papers at least an inch thick. Alice couldn't think why they would have so many files on her. She picked up the top paper and started to read.

_MSH STOP WE WOULD LIKE TO VISIT YOUR HOSPITAL ASAP STOP OUR DAUGHTER HAS HALLUCINATIONS THAT SHE THINKS SHOW THE FUTURE STOP DISCRETION REQUESTED STOP = J BRANDON_

Her parents had sent a telegram to request that she be institutionalised. This paper disgusted her. She pushed it aside, picking up the next page. A sepia photograph was clipped to the top left corner. It was her. She did indeed have long hair, just as Johanna had said. Her skin was of a darker complexion than now. She was sat up straight, her hands folded in front of her, sat at an angle from the camera. She looked happy. Tearing her eyes from the photograph, Alice started to read the page underneath.

_Name: Mary Alice Brandon ("Alice")_

_DOB: 27th April 1901_

_Reasons for detainment: Possible schizophrenia. Claims to have visions of the future, including a persistent one of a man she calls "James" who is coming to get her. She claims that "James" sparkles in sunlight and drinks blood like a beast of the forest. Needs immediate treatment to stop these hallucinations._

So she had visions even when she was human? And she knew that James was coming to get her? She leafed through the pile of papers to find a record of something she'd said as a human. She found a transcription of a conversation she had with a Dr. R. Langley. Her mind flashed back to dim images again. _A beautiful man sat before her, smiling kindly. "Now Alice," he'd said, "what is it that you see exactly?"_ Alice snapped back to reality with a jolt. She looked at the page before her. Dr. Langley had simply written that he asked her to tell him what she saw. He'd transcribed her answer.

_A man named James is chasing after me. He is trying to find me because he wants to eat me- drink my blood that is. He looks like a man but that is not what he is. I can see that he is something else, something horrid. When he chases me it is into a forest, and he walks into the sunlight, and when he does, his skin sparkles like water in the sunlight, or like the stars in the sky. It is awful to behold, in both senses of the word._

_I asked patient #085 when she sees this._

_I think it depends on when his mind is made up about things. When he decided to come after me in Gulfport, I ran and hid in a church, thinking that he could not follow me. I saw him in my mind change to follow me, and he killed the priest there. I ran out back to my parents on the sea front, and we got in the car and went home. I saw him watching me, then going into the town and eating other people._

_I asked her why she thought he wanted to find her specifically._

_Because he knows that I see the future. He planned to eat me one day when I walked from my parents' home. He began to follow me, but he wouldn't get me when there were people around, so I knocked on the neighbour's door to tell them I was afraid that a man was following me. I turned around to where he was and he was surprised. He then decided that he wanted to get me but that he didn't want it to be easy. He treats it like a sport._

_I asked her if she thought he was still coming for her._

_Yes. But he doesn't want people to know about it. He doesn't want to get caught, and he most likely will if he tries to get me in here. If he kills too many people then the Volturi will come for him._

She knew who the Volturi were when she was human? She decided that she should look up what happened to this Dr. Langley, thinking that if he believed her and the Volturi found out that he knew, that could have put his life in danger. She really hoped that she was not responsible for his death.

His file was at the bottom of the cardboard box, and was considerably thinner than hers was. When she opened the file, she gasped. The beautiful man from her mind stared back out at her from the sepia picture. She looked at his records. Having a quick glance at the medical degree he'd supplied it appeared to be real, but then he could easily have doctored it. Especially back then. She decided she'd check with Cambridge University to find out whether he'd actually taken that degree.

Even from the dim image in her mind and the age of the photograph, she could tell that this man was a vampire. This could have been the vampire to which James was referring. The name on the certificate, and indeed the other documents, was Robert Langley. Robert. That was a classical name, he could have been from any era really. The information supplied claimed that he was born in Colchester, England, in 1873. She looked back at the photograph and snorted. Yeah, right. _"You're not anywhere near fifty."_ Her own voice rang through her consciousness, but it sounded different somehow. It was high, but in a squeaky way rather than a melodic one.

She decided to bite the bullet and have a look at the list of treatments she was subjected to. She had a quick glance at the preliminary list: hydrotherapy, malaria treatment, sterilisation. She was also put in for a lobotomy but disappeared shortly beforehand. A _lobotomy_? She looked at each page carefully to see what had happened to her.

_Treatment course one: hydrotherapy. We submerged patient #085 in ice and water to try and cause her brain to right itself naturally. She didn't appear to get hallucinations for a few hours after each treatment for a while, but then she started having them more frequently. Usually they pertained to the fictional monster her mind as created, possibly as a representation of what is wrong with her, but she does claim to "see" things happening to people she knows. We decided that these could be linked to her getting too many messages from home, so we began witholding her post while we continued on the hydrotherapy course. When the hallucinations didn't stop, we changed the hydrotherapy from cold to hot- she would have long hot baths at around 70 degrees centigrade. This treatment course was halted because not only did it aggravate the hallucinations, it caused minor burns across her body._

Burns? The water was so hot that it _burned_ her? _"Stop! Please! It hurts! It's too hot it hurts!" The water burned at her skin, it went dark red under the boiling water as they pulled the leather straps holding her down tighter and tighter..._

Alice hoped that _that one_ wasn't a memory. It was probably just her imagination acting up. Still, she could see faces dimly in her mind, leaning over her...

She shivered and turned to the next treatment page.

_Treatment course two: malaria treatment. There has been some success in this area in the curing of syphilis, and also in a number of schizophrenics. Patient #085 was also a test subject in this area. While she had the malaria itself she didn't appear to get any hallucinations, but this could be due to the tiring nature of the disease itself. Once recovery had begun, however, the hallucinations resumed, so she was treated with a stronger strain of the disease. This caused paralysation in the patient and Dr. Langley (D482) decided to halt treatment and immediately sent her to be de-infected. Her hallucinations returned with full frequency once she had recovered._

They burned her and froze her, and then they gave her malaria...to try and cure what they thought was schizophrenia? They couldn't have done that! She _needed_ to check this out with Carlisle, it couldn't _possibly_ be true. Humans may be animals, but they are not monsters. Thankfully, this particular page didn't appear to be bringing up any latent memories. She already knew what the last page was about, and it made her nervous. She wasn't sure she wanted to read this. Melancholy in anticipation, she read the last page.

_Treatment course three: sterilisation. Dr. Dunaway (D339) diagnosed her as a possible hysteria sufferer and decided to attempt sterilisation. They decided that as this was the most likely diagnosis, they should be thorough in their approaches._

Alice put her hand over her mouth. Tentatively, she read on, sickened by what she was reading.

_The first method was irradiation. Patient #085 was subjected to 350 rem dose of radium over the course of three days. Showed signs of sickness almost immadiately afterwards. Side effects included total loss of body hair, soreness of the throat, vomiting and nausea, and development of diptheria and rheumatic fever. She contracted these diseases around two weeks post-radiation._

So that was how she'd lost her hair. This method should've been enough to sterilise her, probably even kill her. But no, apparently that wasn't enough for these 'doctors'.

_The second method was a simple laproscopy that only resulted in minimal infection afterward. Dr. Dunaway (D339) however concluded that it had not been successful because she continued to have hallucinations, although she now attempted to hide them from the doctors._

"Oh, well, I wonder why?" said Alice, disgusted by the way the writer of these reports could be so clinical about this.

_The third method was a total removal of the womb._

Alice stared silently at the words on the page. She understood them, but they were somehow not processing themselves properly. She realised that she was going to have to deal with this development eventually, she just wasn't sure she wanted it to be at that very moment. She concluded that studying the files at the scene of the crime was not the best idea. She picked up all the files and stuffed them roughly into her bag, fully running through the door and up the stairs.

***

Alice walked straight into the hotel room and threw herself at the bed. Instantly she was spreading the files out over the duvet, determined to learn as much as she could from them. She thought it best to start with Dr. Langley's file to learn as much as she could about him. It was difficult to know exactly what it was about her that made him change her, or even why he did it in the first place. She wasn't sure what she thought she'd find exactly, but it seemed to be worth a look. She opened the file to see the familiar man staring back at her once more. It disconcerted her that she felt like she knew him, and that he was trustworthy, and yet could remember almost nothing about him.

She concluded that his background information would most likely all be forged, seeing as James had called him an "old" vampire, so she pushed all of that to one side. She focused on his case notes, thinking that they would be the best place to learn the truth. They were all handwritten in an almost calligraphic style. She picked them up to shuffle through them, when a small index card fell out of the stack. Alice blinked at it, wondering what on earth it could be doing there. The side facing skyward was blank, so she picked it up to read the other side. Suddenly, the velvet voice returned in her mind, just as it had done on her first day as a vampire. _"Alice, don't look for me. It's not safe."_

She knew somehow that this was not coming from anywhere near her, but from inside her own mind. She wondered what it was exactly, thinking that perhaps it was an extra "talent" that Dr. Langley had. She remembered that she was holding the card, and took a look at it. It simply read 'Alis volat propriis'.

"She flies with her own wings..." Alice murmured, stroking the handwritten card gently. It felt familiar. She continued to rifle through the case notes, carefully setting the card adise. She scanned through conversations she'd held with Dr. Langley, reading through his analyses of her. He was far less clinical about it.

_...still sees James coming for her, although she states that his methods constantly change..._

_...continually insists she should be allowed to write to her sister to tell her not to go to Hattiesburg..._

_...knows about extra measures put in place about her without being told, including ones that have not taken place yet..._

She got to the last few pages, and was surprised to find a letter of complaint that he sent to the governors of the hospital. She frowned slightly as she read it.

_...entirely unreasonable that I was not informed about the new treatment course of patient #085. This interfered with my treatment schedule and set her back at least a few months. For this reason I request to be given full control over her treatments in future and that I be given veto power over any other reccomended courses.  
I also request that her post ceases to be filtered. She clearly understands that we are keeping her sister's letters from her and that none of her letters are sent. How she is aware of this I do not know, but my medical opinion is that it is detremental to her health- it makes her feel more isolated when we need her to feel she can open up to us.  
I hope you will carefully consider the requests I have made here._

Alice's frown had faded as she smiled. He was looking out for her, and clearly not just in a medical sense. Although this letter was formal, and appeared to be medically sound, it was clear to her that he did not agree with their "treatments". Something occured to her. She picked her file back up and went back to the treatment pages. She looked at the doctors' names who had authorised the treatments. Dr. Langley's was not one of them. She checked back on one of the first pages to make sure he was definitely her doctor. He was. This meant that he had not actually done anything about her visions. She continued through his file until she found the letter of reply from the governors.

_...appears, Dr. Langley, that although you are her assigned physician, you have not undertaken any treatment courses yourself, they have always been left up to other doctors. We find it singular to this particular patient and are questioning why this is. Until further notice, therefore, you are to be removed from her as her doctor. Dr. Rathbone will be taking over, and he is reccomending a lobotomy- something you should have considered before..._

She checked the date on the letter. It was sent two days before both she and Dr. Langley disappeared. She laughed once, thinking that this must have been when he decided to change her. She wondered about what had happened to Dr. Langley. She thought that perhaps he had managed to escape from James, being as he had not been the intended target- she certainly hoped so. James had been under the impression that he'd destroyed him but Alice wasn't so sure. She was getting this...inexplicable feeling that was emenating from somewhere deep inside her that he _was_ out there. She thought that the card also had something to do with the mystery. She stared at it for almost an hour, translating it into various languages, listing its uses...

Its uses. It had many, but the most promising one was that it was the state motto of Oregon. It wasn't exactly much to go on, but it was a start, at least. She gathered up the files and left immediately, not wanting to wait anyh longer. She'd waited long enough.

She stole a good enough car- an Audi A4 no less- and set off as fast as she could towards Oregon. She didn't know exactly _where_ in Oregon she was going, but getting to the right state would most likely be helpful. She hoped that she'd get a feeling about it, a latent memory of some kind. Nothing was coming to her as yet, but she still held hope. She drove faster and faster through the night, getting pulled over twice but having no trouble getting rid of the police officers. When she began to near ORegon, she opened the windown in the hope that maybe a smell or something would jog her memory.

Suddenly, just over the Southern border, she pulled a handbrake turn and went back. She slammed on the brakes and flew out of the car. She ran up to the tree and stared at the words carved carefully into the bark. _Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis._

"It is best to endure what you cannot change," Alice said aloud, catching a scent. It led her North-West thorugh dense woods. She ran towards the somehow familiar scent.

_"Alice, STOP!"_ she ignored the voice this time, she caught sight of another carving in a tree. _Cemel Dosce._ Know thyself. The scent became more and more potent as she felt she was getting closer and closer.

She skidded to a halt abruptly when she was confronted by the sight of a cottage in a clearing. Standing outside it was the beautiful man from her memories.

"I've been expecting this day for a while, Alice Brandon." His voice was just as lustrous as it was in her mind.

"How...how did you...?"

"I escaped James quite easily. What I want to know is why you are here, it is dangerous while-"

"He's dead. My family and I killed him." He looked completely stunned. While she held his attention, she continued. "Why can't I remember anything?"

"I...you were kept in a dark room, and-"

"No. I don't buy it. I would remember _something,_ and certain things have been coming back to me." He looked around nervously.

"Come inside, Alice." He hurried into the cottage, beckoning for her to follow him. She hesitated, suddenly unsure. She thought about it, and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

***

Alice stared bemusedly at Dr. Langley (as that was indeed his real name) as he produced a teapot from the fridge. She raised her eyebrows and suppressed a laugh as she watched him pour. She smelled the blood.

"Ah- none for me, thank you." He turned to stare at her.

"I know that it's not the usual method of hunting, but I assure you-"

"No, that's not it," she laughed, "I only drink the blood of animals. My whole family is the same." He looked mildly surprised, and then laughed.

"I guess I'm not really surprised. I always knew you were special." There was a long pause. Alice spent the time thinking how she was going to phrase the next part of the conversation.

"Why did James think you were dead?" He stopped, the teapot hovering above his teacup.

"I have...an ability, in the same manner as yours. I know it sounds strange-"

"Not really," she interrupted, "my partner controls emotions and my brother can read minds. Oh, and we've found a human whose mind he _can't_ read." He laughed again.

"And you're all..._vegetarians_?" he asked, a little sarcastically for her liking.

"Yes," she said, simply looking at him. He chuckled to himself, turning back to his macabre tea ceremony. "Where do you get the blood from?"

"Donations," he explained, opening the fridge to reveal it to be full of plastic bags of blood. "I take them before they add the preservatives. My abilities," he tapped his temple, "allow me to get away with it easily."

"Abilities?" asked Alice, still confused. He laughed in derision.

"It's no surprise you don't remember. Well, I suppose I can tell you- provided you keep it to yourself."

"I can't hide it from my brother. He can't help but hear, either, but you can trust my family. I can guarantee you that." He scrutinised her carefully for a few moments, then nodded slowly.

"I...tamper with memories. I can either erase them or modify them as I wish- however it is not remote," he said as she stiffened. Alice thought for a moment.

"Is _that_ why I can't remember anything from my human years?" He looked sad for a moment, then nodded slowly. She paused, mulling this over. "I heard your voice in my head."

"Yes..." he whispered, going completely still, teacup hovering near his lips, "I discovered that talent not long before I found you." He moved over to the table at which Alice was seated, and occupied the chair opposite her. She studied him for a while as he drank his 'tea'.

"Why did you choose to work at the hospital?" He looked up at her, and then smiled with genuine warmth.

"Because, believe it or not, I like to help humans. At the time, I could see the barbaric nature of their so-called 'treatments', and I felt that they should be stopped. I still work in medicine, of course," he gestured to the fridge, "but now it actually feels more like I'm making a positive contribution." He looked at Alice thoughtfully as she smiled widely. "What?"

"You are not the only vampire I know who does that."

"Oh?" he asked, pretending to be only mildly curious.

"My...father, for want of a better word. Carlisle is the head of the family, he brought most of us together." Dr. Langley continued to simply look at her, then leant over the table, setting down his cup and offering her his hand.

"Focus on your memories of your family if you would. If you don't mind, I'd like to find out more about them."

***

Alice ran to the door of the Denali home. She flew through it, throwing the box of files onto the floor and pelting up the stairs. Jasper came to meet her. They stopped a few inches away from each other and stared. Alice then beamed at him and threw her arms around his neck. Jasper slid his arms around her waist and whispered, "Welcome home." She pulled back to get a good look at his face. She had only been gone for a week, but without him it had seemed longer somehow. She took in all the tiny details of his face as she studied it, beaming. She heard a commotion downstairs that could only be Emmett, which made her glad to be home. Reluctantly, she took Jasper's hands and led him down the stairs. They walked in to find the whole family assembled and waiting, with one dispiriting exception. Her eyes lingered on the empty seat at the table as she took hers.

She told them an abridged version of what she had found in the files, gesturing to the boxes and telling them to help themselves. It would be too much to go through that again for her.

"Then I followed a clue that led me to Oregon," she said, looking around. "which is where I found Dr. Langley." There was a minute ripple of shock around the table. Esme spoke first.

"But, James said that-"

"James has been fooled. Or rather, his memories have been tampered with. I can't even be sure that mine haven't been, to be honest," she said, although she rather thought that they hadn't.

"So...this guy," Emmett weighed up the possibilities aloud, "can mess with your actual memories, and even get rid of them- which is why you don't remember anything." He looked to Alice for confirmation. She nodded. "And he's a vampire who's trying not to become like the others but who doesn't want to kick the human habit." She nodded again. Emmett nodded in approval. He then looked to Carlisle. "Sound like he could be a good addition to the team!" Esme shot him a dark look. Jasper kicked him under the table.

_Edward, still wearing the same suit he had worn to Bella's birthday, was running through the night towards the house._

"EDWARD'S COMING HOME!" Alice leapt out of her chair, sending it careering into the wall with a loud crack as it splintered. She turned sheepishly to Esme and whispered, "Sorry!" Esme was not listening. Her eyes filled with joy as she considered this development. Alice smiled, glad that she had been on her journey. It showed her that her visions _were_ worthwhile.


	7. Can't See The Forest For The Trees

**Another Alice chapter! This is the last one though- back to Edward next time! He's not been doing anything interesting in the interim, though. I've actually finished the next chapter and uploaded it so it'll be uber pronto too. This is mostly memories of Alice's, they were bits that I wrote for the previous chapter that didn't fit in there, but I loved them and wanted to share them with you all (hence the tenuous links between them XD)**

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Alice stepped out onto the beach. It was nearing midnight, though her eyesight was not impaired. She could get used to this, she thought to herself, smiling. She looked out at the sea in front of her. It was beautiful._

_The moonlight glinted of the waves as they lapped slowly at the golden sand. She would have teared up if she could have. This was something that she could truly appreciate about her situation- everything was new to her, even if she had seen it before. She walked slowly towards the water, wondering, what would it feel like over her skin, how would the waves react to her? She got to the edge and stopped, tentative._

_She sat down, and waited. The water moved quite quickly, beginning at her feet, glittering. It was the most wonderful sensation she could remember. Although the water was cold, it didn't bother her somehow. It moved up her legs, up to her hands. She ran her fingers through the wet sand, mesmerised. It started to cover her legs completely, now feeling like it was trying to move her. She was so solid that it had no effect, pushing against her like it did against cliffs._

_It swirled around her waist now. She moved around in the water, smiling, starting to laugh to herself. She was having _fun_. It was incredible. She wasn't sure if she could, but she wanted to go swimming in it. She stood up, deciding not to for now. She had work to do. She had to be ready to meet Jasper. She had to be ready for her life to begin._

Alice looked across the table where Edward now sat. Esme was playing with his hair, her happiness not tainted by his depression. Edward maintained the same vacant expression he'd held before he left the first time. Alice couldn't bring herself to be fully happy. She didn't need her visions to tell her that he wasn't staying long. Even as she thought this, he cautiously looked at her with a pained expression that told her she was right. Trying to keep the happiness alive for Esme, she slowly got up and wandered out of the room. She strolled as nonchalantly as she could out into the garden, where she sat down on the grass. Moments later, Jasper joined her. They sat together in silence looking out across the woods, off into the distance where the trees faded into mist. Alice looked over at him. She remembered all of her preparations to meet him, knowing in her heart that he was the one for her.

_Alice looked at herself in the full-length mirror, twirling around to see how the material flowed. She smiled at herself. It was perfect. _Jasper's eyes widened as he straightened up, regarding her._ Oh yes. This was _definitely_ the one. She giggled slightly to herself as she took in all the folds around her form. The dress was a beautiful cream colour, with black lace over the skirt tracing faint flowers over it. There was a large satin ribbon that pulled in at the waist, with the bow falling down the back of the skirt. Alice looked at the many underskirts and thought that perhaps she could remove a few layers- it looked a little too much like a wedding dress. The top was cut in a round neckline, with short, flat sleeves- this had been one of her stipulations. She also had her eye on a pair of cream and white lace gloves in another shop down the boulevard. She spun around to the shop assistants who awaited her verdict eagerly. She smiled broadly at them._

_"Oui, c'est parfait!" the shop assisstants finally exhaled and beamed back. She knew that she must have been one of their more difficult customers, constantly demanding changes on a whim. She laughed slightly. That was probably why they were going to over charge her._

_"C'est...mille cinq cents francs, s'il vous plaît," said Mademoiselle Orchidée, the proprietor of the shop. Yes, Alice thought, they had definitely added a pretty penny onto the price. Still, this was not a problem for her- she had a knack for predicting unexpected trends in the stock market. She went into her handbag and produced the money, plus a little extra. It always payed to be generous. Their eyes widened momentarily at the wad of money in her hand, then they smoothed their features and smiled._

Alice looked him over now, remembering the feelings coursing through her veins before she met him. She'd certainly been nervous, but she knew that she was in love. It felt like fate was coming to meet her. She played with his hair a little, smiling to herself as she remembered actually seeing the expression on his face when he'd seen her for the first time.

_She knew she was being impatient. She also knew it was her own fault for turning up ten minutes early- she'd just spent the longest ten minutes of her life waiting for Jasper to arrive. Twenty seconds. Her view of the windows was obscured by a group of businessmen waiting near the door. Tempting though it was to throw the lot of them out of the way, she refrained and tried to look patient for the final few seconds of her time alone. She heard the bell above the door tinkle as her life walked through the door. She approached him cautiously, trying to contain herself and walk at a human pace. He sensed her coming and turned to look at her. He straightened up, his eyes widening as he looked at her._

_"You've kept me waiting a long time," she said, as playfully as she could under the circumstances. Although her visions told her this would go well, she could never be sure. Jasper looked surprised and confused, but still bowed his head to her._

_"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said, still eyeing her cautiously, almost as if he half expected her to attack. Alice didn't reply, she simply held out her hand. He stared at it for a moment, then took it._

Alice looked now at the unchanged Jasper, still as beautiful as she remembered. She slid her hand down his arm and entwined her fingers through his. It always made her happy that she felt the same electricity as the first time, that the feelings were always like new to her as she looked at him. She used her other hand to trace the scars on his arm, slowly looking up at him as she did this. He was smiling slightly at her, her favourite half-smile returning.

He'd been intrigued by her stories of the Cullens immediately, almost more so than she. What she'd appreciated from the start was that Jasper truly understood how she _felt_ about them all. It had always been difficult to communicate the effect that her visions had on her- she didn't just see and hear events, she felt all the emotions behind them, be they hers or not. Five years before she met Jasper she'd decided that her life had to take a different course from the one it had been following. Just like the Cullens, she didn't _want_ to be a monster. It took seven years of preparation to meet them- Alice wanted to time it properly. She'd had an oppourtunity to join them a year before she met Jasper, and she had seriously considered it at first, but it had occured to her that a coven that large would have put him on the defensive, made him cautious rather than trusting. So, she waited seven long years for her world to be complete.

_Alice and Jasper stood hand in hand at the bottom of a large driveway. The Cullens were living in Yonkers, a few miles north of New York City. Carlisle was doing night shifts at the Bellevue Hospital, and Edward assisted informally. At that point, the family were in, aside from Edward and Emmett, who were out hunting. Alice had thought that it would be better to leave them for last. She had absolute confidence that the family would accept them, and yet somehow she was still nervous. Jasper instantly reacted and made her feel calm again, for which she was grateful. They walked together to the door. As Jasper raised his hand to knock, it opened. Carlisle was stood on the other side of the door, head slightly cocked to one side. Alice took this as an invitation and walked straight in. Jasper quickly followed, gesturing lamely towards Alice as he did so. Carlisle looked bemused, but shut the door all the same. As he turned and opened his mouth to speak, Alice beat him to it._

_"Hello Carlisle, I'm Alice, and this is Jasper." Jasper inclined his head. "We've been looking forward to meeting you all for quite some time now. I know it's not the whole family," she turned to Jasper as she said this, "Edward and Emmett are hunting." Carlisle raised his eyebrows. Rosalie then slowly descended the stairs towards them, eyeing Jasper in particular with suspicion. Alice simply smiled. "Rosalie," she said brightly, as Rosalie's eyes flashed to Carlisle's in confusion, "You're even more beautiful in person, you know." Jasper decided to interrupt._

_"You will have to forgive Alice for not explaining herself. She gets a little carried away sometimes." He smiled warmly at her. "She sees visions of the future. A few years ago now she decided that she wanted to better herself, to stop being the stuff of nightmares. That was when she saw you, and your choices." As he spoke, Esme appeared on the other side of the bannister from Rosalie. "She then recruited me, and we came here to request to join your...family." Carlisle smiled broadly. Esme walked towards Alice. Jasper tensed, half thinking she would attack, but was pleasantly surprised that she went to embrace Alice in a hug._

_***_

_Alice and Jasper stood in their new room, looking around. Alice had already decorated, and had been to a furniture store to order their new belongings (not everything would be new. She had, of course, kept the things of Edward's she'd taken a fancy to). Suddenly, Alice moved away from Jasper, sighing and rolling her eyes. His look of confusion turned to amusement as he followed her eyeline to the door. Framed inside it was Edward, looking both confused and annoyed, his arms out in front of him with his palms up. He looked straight at Alice, frowning slightly as he read her thoughts. Jasper looked from Alice to Edward, and then back again, nonplussed. Alice then turned back to Jasper, smiling, as Edward shook his head in amused disbelief. Jasper raised his eyebrows at her hoping to be enlightened. She laughed._

_"We can keep the room," she said, turning back to Edward, "your things are-"_

_"In the garage, I know," he said, turning and leaving. Alice saw that they were going to get on exceptionally well in the future._

Edward stalked past her under his continuing dark cloud. _Edward was leaving again, and would not be returning for some time._ Alice closed her eyes sadly. He broke apart their family when he left, it was like he was the glue that held them together somehow. It didn't feel right without him. Alice scoffed. Recently, it hadn't felt right _with_ him either. Since he'd left Bella it was like he was missing, like the Edward that walked and talked was not him, it was just a shell with the bitterness and anger left. The rest of him was gone.


	8. Possibility

**Hey guys! I did tell you it would be soon for the next update, so here it is. Thank you to my lovely readers and I hope you like this one (I know I do :D) Also thanks to ShanteRenee for reminding me of this- the scholarship thing comes from a couple of chapters that Stephenie wrote for New Moon that she then rejected. You can read them on her site and I always liked them, so it made its way in here :)  
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* * *

Edward sat on the bed, looking out of his hotel room window. Paris was a beautiful city at night, and somewhere as vibrant and cultured should have been able to hold his attention, but...it wasn't. He gazed blankly across the lights shimmering in the sprawling cobweb of streets before him, none of them interesting him whatsoever. This was the most recent in the string of distractions that Edward had attempted. Prior to leaving the US he had worked in scientific research, but it was no particular stretch for him, and his mind continually wandered in a direction he really couldn't afford to go in the circumstances. He thought that the easiest way of shaking his feelings, dulling her pull on him and allowing himself to forget was to put a great distance between them, to stop himself from simply running back to her window and begging her to take him back. Unfortunately, however, it had failed. Miserably. The empty chasm inside his chest began to expand, attempting to fill every fibre of his being, trying to swallow his mind in misery. As he felt the cold threatening to overwhelm him permanently, he launched himself directly out of the window before him, not particularly caring about the four storey drop he faced. Once he landed, cracking the pavement where his feet collided with the concrete, he set straight off at a run, crashing his way between two parked cars, crushing the back of both as he went, activating their alarm systems. He ran faster, looking for more outlets for mindless destruction. As he did so, it occured to him that he was making rather an obvious spectacle of himself. Behaviour such as this was a sure-fire way to provoke a visit from the Volturi, which would inevitably lead to his execution.

He stood perfectly still for a moment, contemplating this as a possibility. Whatever afterlife was in store for him couldn't be any worse than what he was experiencing inside, and this way his weakness would not result in his going back to ruin her life. This way, he couldn't hurt her. He started to realise that he should have considered this as a viable option some time ago. He wasn't sure he'd be able to go through with it though, not while it was possible that she might need him to save her from others. Victoria was still out there, and while he was sure she was coming for him, he couldn't rule out the possibility that she might try and get to her. He needed to take care of _that_ before he considered anything else. But afterwards...

"Edward?" He closed his eyes. This couldn't be happening again. She wasn't real. He kept his eyes shut tight, telling himself that she was not there, she never had been, and was never going to be again. His mind was playing tricks on him. After a few seconds of silence, he felt sure enough to open his eyes.

There she was, standing before him, still holding that same quizzical expression from before. He took a long, shaking breath, convinced he could actually taste her scent. He said nothing.

"I need you, Edward." The sound of his name on her lips sent a chill down his spine. He tried to snap himself out of whatever this was, pointing out in his head that this was both delusional and pathetic. The voice in his head was laughing loudly as he anguished. The vision spoke again, moving closer this time. "You have to be there to protect me," she said. He laughed a little. She would never really say that. She would tell him she'd be fine on her own.

When he once again didn't respond, her chocolate eyes fixed his pleadingly. "Please?" she whispered. Making a mental note that he'd officially gone insane, he nodded.

"Anything," he said, lifting his hand to touch her face. She smiled slightly, looking pleased with herself. She looked for all the world like she was really there. His fingertips had almost reached her cheek when, like before, she vanished. He continued to stand there with his hand in the air, reaching out for his hallucination. He closed his eyes in shame, entirely convinced that this had to be the beginning of the end. He wasn't sure if there was such a thing as a vampire psychiatrist, but he was sure that he needed one. He burned a little more when he realised that Alice must have seen this. It surpirsed him that she hadn't mentioned it, or indeed phoned to shout at him about it. He wasn't sure why she would need to shout, but was convinced that she would find a reason.

He set off once more, though at a walking pace this time. He realised that although she wasn't real, he could never break a promise, not one he made to her. Even if the 'her' he made the promise to was a figment of his imagination. He laughed once. She'd saved his life again.

This got him thinking- other than staying out of her life, there had to be something he could do for her. But...what? He glanced around himself, hoping for inspiration. As he did so, his eyes fell across a Sorbonne building.

University.

_She_ wanted to go to University.

She also had only limited resources with which to do so.

This would also mean she would spend her adult life in debt. He had the power to stop her from having to worry about it.

"Edward!" That crease in her forehead that told him she was annoyed at him was very apparent as she stood, hands on hips, in the middle of the pavement. His heart soared. _Bliss._ He smiled to himself, pleased that he had managed to make her come back. He felt a little less empty when her pretender was around. "Don't give me anything, I don't need it!" _That_ certainly sounded like her. His subconscious was getting better at this.

"Yes you do," he said, walking straight towards her. She moved out of his way, then followed slightly behind, still frowning at him. At long last, his phone rang. "You're a bit late, Alice, you're slipping," he chuckled as he flipped it open.

"That is _brilliant_, Edward!" That gave him the clarification he needed- he had lost his marbles forever. "She can't know it's us sending her the money, though. Maybe we should create a fake company," Alice paused, thinking. Edward said nothing, letting her have her moment. It was a win/win from where he stood- Alice loved subterfuge, and he got what he wanted too. It would seem that he also wouldn't have much (if any) input to make either. He heard Alice click her fingers on the other end of the phone. "Got it- fake a scholarship. She's been turned down by other companies, so we'll say that they sent her essays on to us. We'll have one of Jenks' boys pose as the CEO- or actually maybe Jenks himself, we don't want to mess this up, and she'll recognise a vampire's voice. I'll know when she's going to check. It'll be difficult to convince her though, and-"

"Alice, do I need to be a part of this conversation?" His love pouted at him, clearly annoyed that Alice was in on the act too.

"Oh. You're right, you don't. Get your sorry ass back to this continent!" Edward was about to hang up when Alice said, "Oh, wait! Before you go; hallucinations, Edward? That's just plain weird." She paused to allow him to process what she'd said. When he didn't respond, she said "You need help, man. And I am NOT slipping!"

The phone beeped to tell him that Alice was gone.

Bella glared up at him.

"I am _not_ amused."


	9. Goodnight, my angel

**OK with this chapter, it was sorely tempting to just post a link to the "extra" on Stephenie's website where she shows you the phonecall in Edward's perspective. It's better than anything I could write, and I count it as canon, too. But, I have grown fond of Edward's hallucinations and I felt compelled to add it in. I have used the exact dialogue from the "extra", but everything else is me. The playlist for this one is on my profile, as usual- the theme song this time is Lullaby by Billy Joel. Enjoy :)**

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Edward had finally given up on everything. He'd burrowed his way into an attic space above a rotting apartment block somewhere in South America. He wasn't exactly sure where. He'd stopped paying attention a long while ago.

He'd come back for a short while to help Alice with the fake scholarship, but it had involved thinking about _her_ too much, so he'd left her to it. The last time he'd spoken with her, she said it had failed. She'd thrown the money through the window of their old home. He figured it was her that had been calling him so much over the past day, but he hadn't deigned to look at the phone. She could have nothing to say to him that he wanted to hear.

He looked around the filthy space he inhabited, his eyes glossing over the hallucination that wouldn't leave him alone. He'd started ignoring her, thinking that perhaps that would make her go away, but, stubborn as ever, she refused to leave. She sat frowning, cross legged, waiting for him to talk to her. Well, he thought, I can be just as stubborn as you. She'd been trying to convince him to go back to Forks, but he couldn't. Not now. He'd tried tracking Victoria, but that had failed miserably. She led him down a false trail, and he'd realised that he would never catch her, she was too wily. He thought perhaps that was her special talent- getting away from things- but that assumed that she needed special talents to evade him. That was arrogant. He'd given up, knowing Alice would let him know if she made any major descisions.

So, with nothing left to him now, he sat in the grubby hole for weeks on end. He would go out and hunt, only there was no point now. He was useless. His life was utterly worthless.

The phone buzzed again in his pocket, and his hallucination spoke once more.

"You should answer that, you know. It's rude to ignore people." He looked up, intending to glower at her, but found that he couldn't muster anything other than longing when he looked into her eyes, real or imaginary. He sighed, looking at the phone. He was surprised to learn that it had been Rosalie calling. He flipped it open, suddenly worried for his family. It must be important for Rosalie to take time out of her busy schedule of admiring herself to call him.

"What?" he asked, annoyed as well as worried. Rosalie was not known for helping him keep his temper.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so _honoured,_" she said, self-important as always. Her voice told him all he needed to know- his family was fine. He snapped the phone shut, more irritated than angry. She must have just been bored. Poking the sleeping dragon was a favourite pastime of hers.

"Leave me alone," he whispered, not sure whether he was still talking to Rosalie or whether he was addressing his vision. She opened her mouth in annoyance. She was most likely about to argue with him when his phone buzzed again. Rosalie was not going to give up, and he could do without her calling every few seconds over the next few months. He couldn't destroy the phone, either. He kept it for Esme. He answered the phone again.

"Get on with it." When she answered him, Rosalie spoke very quickly.

"I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks." Anger swelled inside him.

"What?" he asked, barely containing his rage.

"You know how Alice is- thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie laughed, but Edward could hear that she was nervous. His anger burned inside him, made him want to destroy something. If it weren't for Jasper, Alice would be top of that list. How could she betray him like that? She'd promised to stay away as long as he did. Rosalie grew impatient. "Are you still there, Edward?" _She_ looked at him again, raising her eyebrows and mouthing '_Answer her!_' He couldn't. Learning of Alice's return had sparked other ideas in his head, painfully beautiful ideas, like going back, running back to her...

"Edward?" Rosalie was being impatient again. "Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly," he lied. He wouldn't give Rosalie the satisfaction. He thought perhaps she'd called to taunt him that she knew of Alice's return but was not planning on explaining it. Rosalie saw through the lie easily.

"Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter." His eyes snapped across to her ghost. She looked confused too. He thought it was most likely she left to live with her mother, to go back to the sun. She liked the sun, it made him a little less empty to think she was happier.

His happiness even outshone his pain. If she was in the sun, there was an obvious barrier to why he couldn't go back to her. Rosalie kept talking, trilling a nervous laugh again.

"So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!" He felt like a petulant child, but somehow he also felt better for making that final sound. He was about to hang up.

"Wait! That's not why I called." Fabulous, he thought, she hasn't even reached her point yet. His annoyance ate at him.

"Then why? Tell me quickly, then _leave me alone_."

"Well..." she hesitated. She might have been choosing her words carefully. Equally, she might have been drawing this out for him to make it that little bit more painful. His money was on the latter. Well, he was sick of her crap.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie was hurring through her words again, like she was avoiding something bigger. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them." As if he didn't already. "Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself." He would have scoffed had he been in a better mood.

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle..."

"I _am_ thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no-one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home." Of course he cared. How could he not? All the same, he felt he only made it worse when he did come home. He didn't answer. "I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it." _Get over it? _He thought furiously. There was no getting over it. He was stuck like this for the rest of his life. Well, for the rest of his love's, at any rate.

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," he tried to be patient with her, which took more than an inhuman effort. Things must be bad if even Rosalie had noticed. "Just because Bella-" he fought back memories being thrown at him by saying the name- "has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I'm able...Look, Rosalie. I am really sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."

"Um..." She was really nervous now.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme alright? Is Carlisle-"

"They're fine. It's just...well, I didn't say that Bella _moved._" Now he was seriously confused. He ran over what she'd said, wondering what he was missing. Maybe she'd run away, although that was against her nature. She always did the right thing. So what was it?

He sat in silence, trying to decipher what Rosalie meant. He felt like it should have hit him already, but nothing came to him.

Rosalie started again, speaking quickly and, suddenly, angrily. "They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

He could almost see the mental block in his way, like it was a solid brick wall. His vision stared at him questioningly, almost as though she were trying to figure it out, too. Neither of them could think of anything.

"Edward?" Rosalie probably thought this was fun, somehow, dragging out her point.

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie." She paused for a few human moments.

"She's dead, Edward."

Bella's eyes widened, and then she vanished.

"I'm...sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella...threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him-"

It took Edward a few seconds to figure out why she'd stopped talking. It was only when he looked at his hand that he realised he'd closed the phone. He paused, reeling. He opened the phone again slowly, even slower than a human pace. He dialled the one number he'd typed in over and over but never called.

A voice he'd never heard before greeted him. It was male, husky, yet, somehow, youthful. His mind was too closed to consider what this could mean.

"Swan residence." He paused for a micro-second, then decided he didn't want to seem like he was checking up on her.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, may I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," said the voice he didn't recognise, in a surprisingly angry way. Edward couldn't think what on Earth his father could have done to anger this child.

"Well, where is he then?" This young one was trying his patience. He paused, as if he couldn't decide whether to say or not.

"He's at the funeral."

Without even hanging up, Edward crushed the plastic and metal beneath his fingertips.


	10. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**This one doesn't really have a playlist, just a couple of songs over and over- I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie and Jacob's Theme from the Eclipse soundtrack. Reviews welcome and encouraged :) I kinda took inspiration from the film for the meeting between Edward and the Volturi, but I put my own twist on it.**

* * *

Edward was oddly calm on the plane. He sat perfectly still, not bothering to try and look human. It didn't matter now, anyway. He pondered what he'd say to the Volturi, thinking they weren't likely to get many requests such as his. He thought perhaps he wouldn't need to say anything, if Aro's gift was indeed as Carlisle remembered it to be.

He felt guilty about not speaking to his family before going, but if they knew his intentions (and what with Alice's gift they would by now) they would try to dissuade him, and he couldn't have that. It was less painful for him not to say goodbye. Hopefully, they would understand his decision and not grieve for him, knowing that he was joining Bella in the unknown. He sat back in the aeroplane seat and pretended to sleep.

* * *

He had walked easily into the marble chamber which housed the Volturi elders. Aro walked over, brisk and business-like, wanting to get whatever it was out of the way so that he could send out the fishing party. When he took Edward's hand, expecting something innocuous, he started. Not only did his memories and intentions surprise him, he was shocked to hear not only his own thoughts back, but also to hear the thoughts of Caius and Marcus too. He looked into Edward's black eyes and raised his eyebrows.

"That is certainly an interesting talent you have there, young Edward." Edward didn't respond. Aro had not released his hand, and he heard Edward thinking that all he wanted was to die. Aro laughed darkly. "There are those who would trade much for the immortality you so carelessly throw away." Edward smirked.

"Such as your receptionist, Gianna, I presume?" Aro laughed again.

"Indeed, Gianna wishes to join us. And she is not alone. Even your beloved Bella-" Edward snarled at the mention of her name, and instantly found himself restrained by the Volturi guard. Aro stopped, put out that he had been interrupted. "Well, I can see that your mind is made up. We shall deliberate." Aro turned and walked back to his throne.

* * *

A fraction of a second after he had been escorted back into the presence of the Volturi, Edward looked angry.

"You have decided to turn me down. Why?"

Before Edward could pick the answer out of his head, Aro responded, "Your gift is too valuable to waste. If you feel the outside world has nothing to offer you now, then perhaps you will consider-"

"No," Edward cut him off, "I have no desire to join you. You know what will happen now." He turned to leave, then Caius spoke.

"There is not reason enough to expose us. You would risk the protection of us all, of your-" he spat the next word- "_family_ for your own selfish ends?" Edward didn't respond, he just stalked out.

Aro sighed wistfully. "Such a waste."

* * *

Edward spent at least an hour deciding what he was going to do to expose himself as a vampire. He toyed with a show of immense strength, like throwing cars around, but thought the wasn't big enough. He then, fleetingly, thought about a murderous rampage, drinking the blood of as many people in plain sight as possible, but then his better nature told him not to dissapoint Carlisle with his final act. He then paused, realising that all his previous ideas involved harming humans, or frightening them, or damaging their property. He pondered, then remembered that it was the St. Marco's day festival. Everyone in Volterra would be gathered at around noon to watch the parade. Noon, when the sun was at its highest and strongest. He smiled to himself. It was perfect. He would ruin the day meant to mark the expulsion of vampires.

* * *

He stood framed in the archway underneath the bell tower, waiting for the clock to strike mid-day. He was riding a strange high, and everything around him became absolutely clear. He waited for his final ten seconds, wondering if perhaps his life would flash before his eyes in his last moment. When the clock began striking twelve, he removed his shirt.

"Bella...I'm coming." Edward took his last breath deeply, and stepped out into the sunlight.

"No! Edward, look at me!" He felt his light crash into him, and her scent filled his mind, spreading throughout every inch of him like electricity. This was already better than his hallucination. He opened his eyes, and there she was, holding him, her warmth pressed against his icy body.

"Amazing," he said, happy in the knowledge that there _was_ an afterlife, and he got to spend it with Bella, "Carlisle was right."

"Edward," she said, though that was all she needed to say, the one sound he could spend the rest of eternity listening to, over and over again. She clung tighter to him, and he brushed his hand against her warm cheek.

"I can't believe how quick it was," he said, elation flooding through him as he held her close to him, "I didn't feel a thing- they're very good."

He closed his eyes, drinking in her heady fragrance, kissing her hair gently. She looked the same as before, when she'd been alive.

"_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,_" he quoted to her. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

Bella said something to him then, sounding urgent. She struggled in his arms.

"What was that?" he asked, still marvelling over his luck. He could spend eternity like this.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-" suddenly, everything clicked in his head, all the pieces fell together. _She's not dead!_ He rejoyced in this knowledge, then shook himself. They had to move.

He spun them around, pushing Bella behind him as he heard the approaching thoughts of two of the Volturi guard. Panic suddenly flooded him. They were not dead- but they soon would be, it seemed. He needed to get them out of this.

"Greetings, gentlemen," he said, trying to sound calm, "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." He had already heard in their heads that this was not going to work.

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" whispered the one called Felix. Edward heard that they had been instructed to kill him as soon as he broke any of the rules- this played in his favour. He also didn't like the way Felix was thinking about Bella. He was not oblivious to her attractions, either.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," Edward said, trying and failing to keep the new-found menace out of his voice, "I know your instructions Felix. I haven't broken any rules." Nobody has to die today, he added in his head.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover." Demitri, this one was. It seemed as though he would be meeting the Volturi for the third time in as many hours.

"I'll be right behind you," Edward conceded, panicking completely inside, "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" He couldn't take her down there. Although the Volturi _could_ control themselves around a human, he doubted they _would_.

"No," said Felix, _If they are going to kill him, _I _want her._ "Bring the girl." Edward barely managed to keep himself from ripping out Felix's throat.

"I don't think so." Edward moved a fraction of an inch, preparing himself for the impending fight. He heard Bella's breathing and heart rate accelerate- she must have noticed him moving.

"No," she breathed. Edward turned very slightly towards her.

"Shh." He heard the two guards' conflicting thoughts. Felix was pumping himself up for the fight- over-confident. He'd never lost. _We cannot risk being exposed in this way._ The more reasonable Demetri intervened.

"Felix! Not here." He turned to Edward. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," Edward agreed, hearing the truth of this in his thoughts. "But the girl goes free." He would die rather than allow Bella to be brought before them.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey," said Demetri, with a certain amount of genuine regret. Edward resigned himself once again to die.

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

Felix's mind danced at the thought of a fight. Edward was disgusted to hear what his plans were for Bella once he was out of the way. "That's just fine," he said, venom filling his mouth with anticipation.

"Aro will be disappointed," sighed Demetri. _Yes, he will be disappointed that he will have to be rid of Felix. He cannot control himself in these situations._

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," he replied answering both what he meant on the surface and his thought. Aro rarely held onto anything for long. He didn't move as he watched the two guards spread out and move closer to him. They were attempting to force him further into the alley, but he knew that his best bet was to stay exactly where he was. Even Felix wouldn't be stupid enough to start a fight this close to a large volume of humans. Their senses may be dull, but they're not stupid.

_Honestly, if you want something done right..._ Edward heard Alice's familiar thoughts just before she almost skipped into view. His head snapped towards her.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present!" Alice took what she felt was her place next to Edward. Edward resisted the urge to smirk as he heard both Felix and Demetri falter. They were not used to being evenly matched in a fight. "We're not alone," she said, distracting them. They turned to look at a human family who had been watching the scene unfold.

Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable." _Killing him would be a lot easier without an audience._

"Let's," Edward said- it was hardly fair that he'd been sentenced without a trial- "And we'll leave quietly now, with no-one the wiser."

Demetri sighed. _He's persistent, and brave, I'll give him that. But it's a fine line between bravery and stupidity._ "At least let us discuss this more privately." Six more humans joined the interested family, thinking they were going to need to break up a fight. Edward nearly scoffed. Like they stood a chance.

"No." He brought his teeth together, trying not to shout at Alice. Her thoughts were unbearably chipper given the gravity of the situation. She was engrossed in the twisting future, trying to get a clear outcome- confident that it would be their victory. Suddenly, the future shifted, veering wildly in another direction.

"Enough." Jane came swiftly towards them. Felix and Demetri knew the fight was over, as did Alice. He dropped his stance in front of Bella. It wouldn't do anybody any good to get in the way of Jane's gift when she chose to use it.

"Jane."

"Follow me," she said, sounding flat and almost bored, as usual. She always hoped for people to fight back- she enjoyed watching them suffer as she used her particular brand of torture. Glee filling his mind, Felix motioned for them to go first.

Alice moved instantly, and Edward slid his arm around Bella's waist and pulled her in line. He put her in the middle of himself and Alice- she would need all the protection she could get from Felix's filthy mind. Bella looked up at him, questions burning behind her eyes, but she shook his head. He couldn't answer them here, not with the guard in such close proximity.

"Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." _Oh, and by the way, I am going to kill you later._

"It was my mistake," she said, echoing his casual tone. "It was my job to set it right." _I'm sorry, Edward. Truly I am. This _is_ my fault._

"What happened?" It was exceedingly difficult to ask that question with any degree of casuality.

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." In her head, Alice recounted Bella's version of events. He almost exploded with anger when she got to the part about befriending werewolves.

"Hm," he said, looking at Bella. She blushed scarlet, and this made it impossible for him to be angry at her. Alice continued in her head. _You're just going to have to veto her friends in future. For once, you are actually not the most dangerous thing she could be around. They're _young_ werewolves._

They turned a corner which would have looked like a dead end to Bella's human eyes. Pushing this frightening thought aside, Edward watched Alice drop down the hole. Bella visibly balked, freezing and locking her bones together.

"It's all right, Bella, Alice will catch you." He would have gone first, only Felix didn't see Alice as a real threat on her own, and he would have tried to take Bella for himself.

She crouched down in front of the hole, dangling her legs down it, still unsure. "Alice?" she whispered, her voice breaking through fright.

"I'm right here, Bella," she called up. Edward went over to her, taking her wrists and lowering her into the hole. The contact between them was such bliss it was hard to let her go, so he stalled.

"Ready?" He wasn't sure if he was asking Bella or Alice.

Alice found her voice first. "Drop her." Edward closed his eyes, and let go.


	11. The Last Beat of My Heart

**It's been a few months, but it's back! Nearly done now, can't say when I'll be updating next. I just arrived at university so will be settling in and being a total tourist XD. Enjoy :D  
**

* * *

Edward watched helplessly as Bella fell for what felt like hours. Rationally, he knew it was only half a second, maybe a full second, but there was nothing he could do for her- he was relying on Alice to catch her. She did, but Bella fell very hard into her arms. Edward made a mental note to destroy one of each of Alice's favourite earrings for every bruise he found on Bella. Not pairs, singular ones. He saw Alice snap her head up angrily in the gloom to glare at him.

Once he was sure she was upright, he followed them. He didn't want to risk incurring Jane's wrath, so he immediately pulled Bella to his side and followed Jane's trail. With a burst of happiness, he felt Bella wrap her arms around his waist. It was getting easier to convince himself that she might forgive him for leaving. She stumbled a lot, and visibly winced when the sound of the metal grate clanging shut echoed in the stone corridor. Soon, she was squinting ahead and tripping more often- Edward realised that she couldn't see at all. This must have seemed dark to her. To be sure that she wouldn't fall- they couldn't risk gaping wounds where they were going- he slowed down a fraction more. _Are all humans this _slow_?_ shouted out behind him, accompanied by an impatient sigh. Edward smirked- he was enjoying making things difficult for Felix.

Tentatively, he reached across to Bella with his free hand, waiting to snatch his hand back if she flinched. Joyously, he noticed that she bent her face towards his hand. He stroked her lips carefully- she looked particularly fragile today. A couple of times (but not nearly as many as he would have liked) he leant over to kiss her hair. The burning sensation in his throat when he got close to her felt almost good- it meant she was right there, next to him. If it weren't for impending doom, he'd be ecstatic.

They got further and further into the tunnel, and it got lighter as it inclined downwards. Bella started looking around a lot more, trying not to look frightened. As they drew ever nearer to their destination, she started shivering- from fear, maybe? He'd forgotten how infuriating it was not to be able to read her thoughts! Then, her teeth started chattering, and he took a good look at what she was wearing for the first time. Her shirt was short sleeved, she wasn't wearing a jacket, and her jeans- along with the rest of her- was wet through. He wondered how on Earth she'd managed to get wet in the dry heat of Volterra, but it didn't matter. Sadly, he took his arm from around her and took only her hand instead.

"N-n-no!" She threw her arms around him, surprising him (and annoying Felix still further). Trying to keep from beaming in victory, he tried to warm her up by rubbing her arm- not that it would make much of a difference with his icy touch. Gleeful though he was that she was by his side, and- for the moment, anyway- nobody was trying to kill them, he sped them up. It was still only slow to them, but Bella struggled to keep up. He would have carried her, but he was enjoying forcing Felix to mosey. The string of violent profanities being shouted in his head only made Edward want to smile.

They reached the grate all too soon, Edward ducking through first. He could hear Jane's thoughts, impatient, through the large, wooden door at the other side of this room. He would not allow Bella through first, just in case she did indeed decide to use her gifts on whomever was unlucky enough to be first through the door. Once they went through it, and Jane caught sight of them, he heard her considering using her power on Bella, just to see if a human could withstand the pain. He tensed, clenching his jaw to stop from losing his temper at her. He had to stay focused- any tiny slip could cost them all their lives.

Bella seemed oddly comforted by their modern surroundings. True, he was very grateful that it was warmer for her, but Jane's presence meant he could not allow himself to be led into a false sense of security. Pulling Bella along, he was glad she felt better- especially because there was nothing he could do to alleviate her mood without attracting the attention of the guard. Felix wanted any excuse to pounce. Alice positioned herself on Bella's other side, her eyes out of focus- watching Jane's decisions. He was glad that Alice's thoughts bent towards protecting Bella, too. He would have to thank her for that. He would even consider leaving her earrings alone.

Jane looked impassive. He figured that she would- it also led her victims to believe as Bella most likely did- that she was harmless. Well, as harmless as a vampire ever is, that is. Her thoughts, however, couldn't be more in contrast. She was hugely irritated that they'd been so slow, and she was running through the list in her head of who would pay for the five minutes she had to stand there, waiting. He watched her carefully as the lift descended, waiting to put himself between her and Bella if she chose to attack- and Bella was high on her list of targets. When the lift came to a halt, she decided. Edward almost felt remorse. Today would be Gianna's day to die.

He wanted to warn her as they passed by, wanted to scream at her to run. She smiled politely at all of them.

"Good afternoon, Jane," she said, her thoughts filled with fear. He was very impressed- there was no outward trace of it.

Jane nodded. _Yes, it is,_ she thought. The nod was her deciding concretely to kill her later. "Gianna." As Felix went by, Gianna's thoughts changed- she was wrapped up in a memory. He winked at her, and she giggled, remembering...

Edward skipped out of her head, instead concentrating on Demetri's thoughts. His mind was simplistic and he was very task-orientated. This suited him just fine. He did _not_ need the mental image Gianna was creating. However, it explained why Felix wanted Bella- he liked human girls. He even managed not to kill them- most of the time.

Edward heard Alec's thoughts before the doors opened to reveal him. He was not quite as sadistic as his sister (though who was?), but, if possible, he had less compassion than she. He smiled without feeling any happiness, and reached for his sister. "Jane."

"Alec," she said, going to give their usual greeting. They were siblings, and they were prior to becoming vampires, but the level of pain and suffering they could cause between them had robbed them of what little humanity they had left. Each found the other extremely useful, but they did not care for each other as they had as humans. They kept up the pretence of love as a show of solidarity against the others- all were so afraid of one alone that they daren't anger them. Alec stepped back and looked at Edward, Alice and Bella, amused.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two..." he trailed off as he regarded Bella, "and a half." _This is what caused all the fuss? I must have misunderstood what Aro meant. _She_ can't be the one he was referring to._ Edward glowered at him for this last thought. He was lucky the guard was so extensive around him. He caught Edward's expression and turned to Jane. "Nice work."

Jane laughed, although her mind was now consumed with the thought of killing Gianna.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec continued, unfazed by Edward's hard glare, "You seem in a better mood." _Why, though, is entirely beyond me..._

"Marginally," he replied, struggling but succeeding in trying to mask his sudden anger at Alec's dismissive attitude to Bella. Alec chuckled, regarding Bella once again and failing to understand why Edward would do anything but feed from her.

"And this is the cause of all the trouble?" Edward grimaced. He could see in Alec's face that he still didn't understand, he didn't need to hear his thoughts to get that part. What did surprise him, however, was the note of absolute melancholy emanating from Demetri. Edward was surprised, but didn't show it. He saw a fleeting glance of a dim human memory in his head, then Demetri pushed it aside. Edward felt a wave of pity for him all of a sudden. Before he'd been changed, Demetri had been in love with a girl, so once he'd learned what he was he went back for her, still hopelessly in love, intending to spend the rest of his life with her, but the Volturi never taught him control. By the time he'd realised what he'd done, she was dead. He'd never forgiven himself. He devoted himself to every task thinking that perhaps upholding vampire law would atone him, but if anything, it got worse with time. For a brief moment, he wished he'd been strong enough to ask for death as Edward had, but quickly quashed that thought. Another set of thoughts came yelling from Demetri's right hand side, and Edward froze, trying to stay calm.

"Dibs." Edward lost control. He turned around, a snarl erupting from his throat. Felix would pay for that. He raised his hand and curled his fingers, gleeful that he'd finally managed to goad Edward into the fight he'd been previously denied. Edward was happy to oblige, until Alice touched his arm. That magnified her thoughts and drowned out the others.

"Patience," she said, showing him what she had seen of the future. It was hazy, but relatively clear- if he fought, even if he won this fight, he would lose eventually. He would lose and the three of them would die. He took a deep breath and turned his back on Felix. Alec had been watching, mildly interested (and rather hoping the cocky Felix would get his ass kicked), but was now carrying on as if there had been no interruption.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again."

"Let's not keep him waiting," said Jane. She was hoping whatever their fate was, it would be delivered soon. She needed Aro to get on with it so she could tell Aro Gianna had been sleeping with the guard to try and increase her chances of becoming a vampire. While on the one hand it would be very interesting to see how Edward would react to Bella's death (which she felt sure was coming very soon), when she decided she wanted something, she wanted it then and there. It was irritating to have to wait.

Edward nodded once, steeling himself for what was to come. It was highly possible that the punishment for almost exposing them all would be Bella's death. He could not let that happen.

The surroundings seemed to pass by in a heartbeat- time flew far too quickly for Edward's liking. All too soon Jane was sliding back the door that led to the main chamber. Taking what he felt could be one of his last breaths, Edward closed his eyes and stepped through it.


	12. Time Has Brought Your Heart To Me

**Umm, whoops. Time seems to have gotten away from me a little bit...I'm rather hoping my lovely readers are still here for my year-overdue update, but here it is! I hope it's worth the wait!**

* * *

Edward had his arm as tightly as he dared around Bella's waist. He needed to be able to move her out of harm's way as quickly as possible if things turned sour, at the very least he could buy her a few seconds, get her to Alice...

He ran through various worst-case-scenarios in his head, while simultaneously checking Alice's visions and reading Aro's thoughts. Aro knew to be careful around Edward now, so he didn't learn anything there, but perhaps if he listened carefully enough he might let something slip. Alice could see nothing. Nothing had been decided. Edward couldn't be sure that wasn't because they were playing with the holes in Alice's visions, but Alice was feeling confident. He tried to keep his face as impassive as possible, pretend for Bella that he thought everything was going to be alright, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they were not going to make it out of the chamber.

Aro finally acknowledged their arrival. "Jane, dear one, you've returned!" He went over to her and kissed her lips, as was his custom with his favourites.

"Yes, Master. I brought him back alive, just as you wished." _What the...? What the hell did _you_ do?_Edward bit back a laugh as he heard Felix's outrage at Jane taking all the credit. Somehow, he couldn't help but agree with Felix, though he wasn't stupid enough to say it out loud.

"Ah, Jane. You are such a comfort to me." Felix fumed still further at this. _Stupid little spoiled brat. 'Ooh, I can make people feel pain when they're not really hurt.' Big fucking whoop._ Edward's control was going to leave him in a moment, so he skipped into Aro's head as best he could. Aro had defences Edward couldn't break, so he only heard what Aro allowed him to hear.

Annoying though this was, it didn't surprise him. Given enough time, he could probably learn defences to keep Aro out- time he wasn't sure he had. Aro continued, "And Alice and Bella, too! This _is_a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

Edward saw Bella look faintly surprised, then try to hide it. He resisted the urge to smirk. Had Carlisle not given him warning about Aro's nature, he would have been confused, too.

_"Aro hears every thought you've ever had. He sees this as a useful tool- he knows your mind, your hopes, dreams, fears, experiences; and he can use all of that against you, if he so chooses. What also happens is he _knows_ you, better than you know yourself. He feels genuine empathy with those whose thoughts he reads, and if he likes what he sees, he's more likely to spare you if he can. Normally this is if he can see you being useful to him in the future, but on occasion I'm not so sure. I think the centuries haven't entirely robbed him of his empathy- in fact, I'd say he was more empathic now than he was before. He'd deny this, of course, but I think it's not impossible." Carlisle paused, about to tell them something of the past, then decided it was better they didn't know, and thought of other things._

Aro's voice brought Edward back to reality. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."  
"Yes, Master." _I really hope they don't kill the girl without me._

Edward was sincerely glad to be rid of Felix, though 'dear' was certainly not a word he would use to describe him. His thoughts were almost always vile, and frequently directed at Bella, and he didn't need that distraction right now. He needed to control his temper.

"You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro, I am," he agreed truthfully, tightening his arm around Bella.

Aro sighed. "I love a happy ending; they are so rare." He was lost in his thoughts for a split second- probably entirely unnoticed by Bella- thinking of a girl Edward didn't recognise, a long time ago...then he snapped back to reality. "But I want the whole story! How did this happen? Alice?" He turned to look at her, his face not revealing the yearning he felt to have her power at his beck and call, "Your brother seemed to think you infallible," _Moron._Alice shot the word at Edward, "but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible. As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them." Edward would have begged to differ, but he knew how often they relied on her visions- and she had been wrong in the past. However, this time, it was not her fault.

"You're too modest- I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!" Alice glanced at Edward, irritated. She thought that you could pick and choose what you showed Aro- he forgot that she'd never had his gift fully explained to her.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way." _If we get out of here, you're _so_ fucking dead._ Alice was getting more and more wound up with Edward as Aro explained. "You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." Alice stopped being annoyed and was just confused.  
"And also exponentially more powerful." He turned to Alice, smugly satisfied that he could be the one to explain. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had." Alice raised her eyebrows. _You're shitting me? Really?_Edward inclined his head, hoping it would be interpreted as a response to her eyebrow raise. It was not. Aro was positively salivating at the prospect of having the siblings join him.

"But to be able to hear from a distance-" he gestured at the two of them, and Alice's thoughts became a string of profanities, seeing a hazy version of the future- just a glimpse of herself and Edward in those dark cloaks, eyes red, and cold...the vision stopped short when the two of them simultaneously decided not to join the Volturi. Ever. Aro continued, "That would be so..._convenient._"

In a burst of an image of a naked Gianna that Edward really didn't need, Felix returned, Caius and Marcus in tow.

Caius' thoughts were entirely bent on the feed they were about to embark upon, and Marcus was thinking of that same girl from Aro's memories. Edward would have to ponder that later, if they ever got a 'later'.

"Marcus, Caius, look! Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Caius couldn't care less. The only way this could interest him would be if she were to be part of the feed- she certainly smelled sweet enough. Marcus, although appearing to maintain the same bored expression he always held, was genuinely happy. He'd seen that Edward truly loved this girl, had felt the same despair before when thinking the one he loved was dead- so for it to transpire that she was, in fact, alive and well made him glad that Edward could have time with her.

"Let us have the story!"


End file.
